


And The Walls Kept Tumbling Down

by songofwinterfell



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Also I'm bullshitting my way through everything medical, Enemies to Lovers, Falling In Love, Fluff, Humor, Hux has a lot of feelings, Light Angst, M/M, Phasma Ships It, Romance, There is also a Finn cameo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-17 17:23:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 24,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5879332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songofwinterfell/pseuds/songofwinterfell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux has always been a man who loves his job. So when he falls ill, he refuses to stop working, and in the end he faints on the bridge in the middle of the day. What starts out as a mere cold leads to Hux being forced to re-evaluate many things about his life, especially his relationship with Kylo Ren. As he struggles with admitting his feelings, Hux is caught in whirlwind of his true emotions and fears and what it really means to care for someone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this was originally intended to be a fill for a prompt about workaholic Hux working despite being sick and ending up collapsing on the bridge and it sort of is that, but to be honest, this whole thing kind of blew up in my face. This was one of those cases where the fic wrote itself and I had no control over it, and what was meant to be a short fic ended up much longer because I'm such a rambler. So apologies for that. And English isn't my first language so there are probably some grammatical errors and other shit. Also, the title is taken from Bastille's song Pompeii. 
> 
> Honestly, this ship has totally ruined me. It started out as a fun crack ship, but now I'm way too invested in all of this. Why am I so trash.

If there is one thing Hux knows about Kylo Ren, it is that he lives for battle. 

It is when Ren fights that he comes truly alive. It makes his heart sing in macabre joy, his blood heat in his veins, and he fights like a beast and acts like he is immortal, laughs in the face of death. Nothing can stand in his way and get away unharmed, for he is fury personified, dancing in puddles of blood and tearing everything apart with his demonic lightsaber. There is nothing calm about the way he fights, nothing controlled, and the first time Hux saw him fight, a brief battle against two rebel fighters, he was struck speechless. Ren moved with a ferocious sort of grace, looking like fighting was something that he was born to do, and the rebels stood no chance. Ren dodged almost lazily all their desperate attempts to harm him, played with them for a while, and then simply killed both of them with one wide arc of his lightsaber. The rebels' bodies dropped to the ground, their wounds smoking, and Ren stood over them, panting through his mask and looking like something straight out of children's nightmares. Hux stared at him and felt his heart beat faster. 

After fighting Ren is always restless because of adrenaline and left-over energy, and also very much in the mood for sex, Hux has learned. It has become a habit for him to come to Hux after completing his missions, usually still covered in the blood of his enemies and sweat and bursting with energy. He always kisses Hux like he is drowning and Hux is the air he needs, fucks him hard and fast, and it is all so wonderful that it makes Hux feel like he is about to combust in pleasure. There is something incredibly arousing about knowing that he is the one Ren goes to when he is in need of release, the only one that will ever see him like that.  

So when Ren barges into Hux's quarters that afternoon after coming back from his mission, Hux knows exactly what it is that he wants. He hears the doors open as Ren punches in the code which he undoubtedly plucked from Hux's mind and watches him march straight into the room, his robes muddy and bloody and his whole body almost vibrating with tension.  

Hux is in the middle of doing his daily paperwork, which is a rather tedious task but one that needs to be done, so when Ren rudely invades his quarters, Hux pays him no attention. He is a busy man; he cannot cater to Ren's every whim no matter how much Ren wants him to. 

There is a rustling of robes and the familiar hiss of Ren's mask coming off. Hux steals a glance at him and sees him put it down on the table near the couch, splattering mud and gods know what else on the polished wood. Ren's hair spreads out all over his face, dark curls everywhere, and he runs his hand through it several times to get it out the way. Hux doesn't understand why he doesn't just cut it short like everyone else if it bothers him that much, but secretly he hopes that he will not. Hux likes his hair.  

Ren removes his lightsaber from his belt and sets it down next to his mask, and then he shifts on his feet, clearly restless. Hux estimates that he has perhaps a few seconds before Ren stalks over to him and pulls him into a passionate embrace, and while it is not something he is usually averse to, now, sullen and feeling sick, he has very little desire for that. 

"I'm not in the mood", Hux says curtly just as Ren takes a step forward, looking up from his report and glancing at Ren. The man is watching him intently, his eyes never leaving Hux's face.  

Ren has the audacity to look insulted. "Not in the mood?" he repeats in confusion as though he finds it incomprehensible that Hux is not falling over in lust and offering himself for fucking every time Ren so much as looks at him. Hux bristles. He enjoys their sexual activities very much, of course, but there is no way he is telling Ren that because he might get even more insufferable, and besides, Hux isn't some common whore that Ren can use as he pleases. Ren is in no position to make demands of him.  

"Yes, Ren, I don't want to have sex with you right now", Hux says slowly as though talking to a particularly dumb child, gritting his teeth. How does Ren manage to push his every button just by simply existing? Ever since the Master of the Knights of Ren arrived on his ship on Supreme Leader's orders, Hux hasn't had a moment of peace. Ren both infuriates and draws him in, and most of the time Hux cannot decide whether he wants to kill Ren or fuck him senseless. It is usually a bit of both. "In fact, I would very much like you to leave my rooms now. I have work to do, and you are bothering me."  

"I see", Ren says with a petulant scowl, crossing his arms over his chest, and makes no move to leave. Hux considers strangling him and blaming it on some unfortunate stormtrooper. Nobody would even miss him.  

Hux grumbles under his breath but returns his attention to his papers and data pad, reaching for his pen. Ren isn't worth his attention right now, and if he wants to behave like a spoiled child, Hux will not give him the satisfaction of taking the bait. Knowing Ren, sooner or later he will grow bored and leave on his own accord, and then Hux can finally drop his façade and crawl under the sheets. Though he is used to operating on five hours' sleep, he desperately needs a full night if he wants to get any better. As the General of the ship he cannot afford to be indisposed with something as mundane as a mere cold, and Hux is already beyond irritated with his own body for failing him. He hopes that this weakness will pass him soon.  

The monthly budget plans need his approval, and as Hux shifts through the carefully detailed report of estimated costs, he notices to his dismay that the repair costs of the Finalizer have reached unacceptable levels. The report mentions destroyed droids, burned and shattered consoles, lightsaber burns on the corridor walls, and it respectfully but firmly asks Hux to do something to lessen the damages to the ship because they simply cannot waste thousands of credits on repairs when there are much more pressing matters. Glaring angrily at the report as though it has personally insulted him, Hux puts his pen down and rubs his temples with a sigh.  

Despite having taken a couple of painkillers a few hours ago, Hux is in no better condition than he was in the morning. When he woke up, his head felt like something was tearing it viciously apart. He was shivering and sweating under the covers, hugging himself tightly to keep the chill away, and even a warm shower wasn’t enough to banish the coldness from his body. He hasn’t been ill in ages, not since he was a child, and Hux is annoyed with his body’s frailty. Illnesses are for weak men, not for men like him, and he doesn’t like to be reminded of his mortality.  

He has been feeling a bit under the weather for a few days, plagued by occasional headaches, but today was the first time he actually felt so sick that he couldn’t just ignore it. After waking up he tried to go through his normal routine, showering, dressing himself and then eating, but he had managed to take just one bite out of his omelet when he was hit by a sudden wave of nausea. Instinct made him hurry to the bathroom, and not a moment too soon. He vomited all that he had eaten, terrible heaves wracking his body, and after that he couldn’t stand for minutes because his legs refused to carry him. 

The whole day has been a blur because of his sudden illness, and Hux loathes to have something interfere with his work. He isn’t in bad enough a state to be truly ill, he is probably just having a common cold, but his headaches and dizziness are still a constant bother. His head hurts, a sharp pain that causes him to wince inwardly every time he moves, and he cannot focus long on anything before his vision starts to swim. And though he has amplified the heaters in his quarters to almost maximum temperature, he still feels so damn cold all the time and no amount of clothes can make him warmer. Hux hates being sick.  

"You are ill", Ren says suddenly, and Hux, who managed to completely forget his presence, startles so violently that he spills ink on his desk. The black liquid spreads on the white paper, and Hux hurries to grab a tissue before any of his documents are damaged.  

It is not a question, merely an observation, and when Hux glances at Ren, he sees a knowing glint in the man's eyes. Hux feels an angry flush rising to his cheeks.  

"I'm perfectly fine, Ren", he says coldly. "And stop invading my mind."  

Ren ignores him. His eyes are trained on Hux, looking at him like he is something very fascinating, and Hux starts to feel uncomfortable under his piercing gaze. Ren is a riddle wrapped up in an enigma, and though Hux has known him for almost six months now, he still doesn't understand him. Sometimes Ren is a monster shrouded in smoke and blood, sometimes a weak little child, and sometimes a bomb waiting to go off. Hux has seen his many faces and still doesn't know which one of them is the real one or whether any of them are.   

Before Ren's arrival Hux had used his unlimited access to the First Order's database and searched for whatever information he could find about the man. There had been very little about him, which had made Hux instantly suspicious, but the most interesting thing he could find was that Kylo Ren (what a stupid name, Hux had thought) was the leader of the mysterious organisation called the Knights of Ren that had a very unpleasant reputation in the galaxy. They were Snoke's vicious attack dogs, going wherever he wanted and doing whatever he wanted, and everyone knew that if Snoke had a particular vendetta against someone or wanted to cause terror, he would send the Knights to do his bidding. And according to the rumours, Kylo Ren was the worst of them.   

Hux had refused to be intimidated by him because of idle gossip, but he had still been rather wary of hosting him on the ship. The Finalizer was like a well-oiled machine, run by practiced efficiency and subordinates who knew their place and did their duty, and an outsider probing around and making commands like he owned the place would threaten the whole system. Kylo Ren was an unknown factor, a pawn that Hux wouldn't be able to control, and it had bothered him greatly when he had learned that Ren would be his equal and answer only to Supreme Leader. Ever since he was a child Hux had worked hard for his position, endured pain and cast aside all unnecessary emotions to reach his goal, and now he was the youngest General in the First Order. He would be damned if he let Snoke's pet take that away from him.  

When they actually met, Kylo Ren wasn't quite what Hux had expected. The masked man in black robes certainly looked the part of a Sith or whatever it is that the Knights of Ren aspire to be, but when they first spoke Ren was quiet and curt, even rather polite, and it was far from the deranged madman Hux had thought him to be. He was calm as he surveyed the ship and asked questions about their operations, his mask changing his voice to a distorted hum, and Hux was more than a little surprised when Ren expressed his wishes that their union would prove fruitful and please the Supreme Leader. Despite his earlier disinclinations to have Ren on board, Hux was intrigued and somewhat impressed. Perhaps they could truly work together for the benefit of the First Order.  

In hindsight, Hux thinks that he should never have been so foolish. The moment they started actually working, it all went downhill quicker than anyone could have foreseen. Hux and Ren had completely different ideas about how to proceed on their missions, their opinions clashing constantly, and it didn't take long for Ren's infamous temper to surface. The first time it happened, Hux and everyone else who witnessed it were shocked to silence when a grown man, a Knight of Ren, threw a tantrum more suitable for a toddler. Hux doesn't remember what it was about anymore, but nothing can make him forget the angry static of Ren's voice modulator as he snarled like a wild animal and the officer lying on the floor with invisible hands choking him until he turned blue.   

The poor officer lived, fortunately, but after that incident it became very clear that Ren was not a person to be angered. The more often things didn't go his way, the more he lashed out, and nothing was safe from his rage. He pulled consoles apart with the power of his mind, hacked droids to pieces with that awful lightsaber, and even used the Force to choke anyone he wasn't happy with. When half of the ship's crew froze in fear every time Ren approached and he became more of a hindrance than an asset, Hux had no other choice but to confront Ren and tell him that his behaviour was completely unacceptable. It resulted in a legendary screaming match that had troopers and officers running away from them to the other side of the ship to escape the inevitable mayhem.   

No one knows what exactly happened after that, but AV-7368, who was brave enough to creep closer when the shouting stopped because she was curious and wanted to see if they had managed to kill each other, saw Hux exit the room with slightly messy hair and a satisfied smirk. Moments later, Ren came out, straightened his askew helmet, and stalked to the opposite direction with a strange spring in his step. AV-7386, who had more boldness than brains, rushed to tell her fellow troopers what she had seen.  

After that day Hux was known as the only person who could be near Kylo Ren when he was in one of his moods and get away unscathed, and some insolent troopers suggested that maybe Hux had fucked Ren into behaving. They were quickly shushed and told not to spread such rumours unless they wanted to be run through with a lightsaber, and Phasma and the other captains made sure that those rumours died as quickly as they had started. No one ever found out that they had actually guessed the truth, and Hux, whose ear the gossip had reached immediately, was more than glad about it.  

Ever since that Hux and Ren have had an arrangement of sorts. They fuck whenever they feel like it and use each other for pleasure, and Hux is perfectly fine with that. Ren is a like a whirlwind, all passion and chaos, and Hux thinks that it is a nice contrast to his meticulousness and calmness. And it certainly helps that the sex is great, perhaps even better than great. Having spent the majority of his life at the Academy where it was common for the students to sneak behind the teachers' backs for a quick fuck or two, Hux is no stranger to carnal pleasures. He has had no shortage of partners, for he is attractive, successful and from a good family, and Hux has always been confident in his abilities to please his lovers. Ren, on the other hand, was clearly quite inexperienced when they fucked for the first time, but instead of finding it bothersome, Hux became even more attracted to Ren. It gave him a certain sort of thrill to be the one to take Kylo Ren's virginity, and Ren, though unsure at first, proved to be quite an enthusiastic lover after some encouragement. Just like with everything else, Ren was a quick learner, and it didn't take him long to find out what exactly made Hux pass out from pleasure. Nowadays he is infuriatingly smug about his prowess in bed, but Hux has found out that he doesn't really mind. The arrangement works well for both of them; Hux teaches Ren some control, and Ren teaches Hux how to let go.  

And it is nothing but sex, Hux tells himself firmly and simply refuses to think of other options. There are absolutely no feelings involved.  

Ren watches him with hooded eyes, and Hux hopes that he isn't wandering around in his head right now. Sometimes it is hard to tell; usually Ren's presence can be easily felt because it is an uncomfortable feeling of pressure, but Ren has also learned how to read minds much more subtly. Going deep requires more force and less finesse, naturally, but a light skim on the mind's surface is something that can go unnoticed. Hux knows that better than most people, because it was Ren himself who told him that. He asked to test it on Hux once after three rounds of very satisfactory sex, and Hux, blissed out and in an unusually good mood, let him. He felt absolutely nothing at first, but suddenly Ren let out a choked laugh and asked if Hux really had a habit of wearing plush slippers inside his quarters to keep his toes warm. Blushing madly, Hux hit Ren with a pillow and promptly shut him up.  

Now, though, he is not feeling quite as lenient. In fact, he is feeling rather horrible at the moment, and he just wants Ren out so that he collapse on his bed and sleep. Handling Ren is usually very exhausting, and Hux has very little patience for that.   

"I am fine", Hux repeats angrily when Ren just continues to stare at him. "Stop bothering me, you pest, I am busy."  

Nothing happens. Having had enough, Hux clenches his hands into fists and rises from his seat with full intentions to physically haul Ren out of his room if he doesn't leave this instant. It would never work, of course, because Ren is a fighter in a sense that Hux has never been and could probably overpower him in seconds especially now that he is in this state, but Hux doesn't care. He wants Ren out, wants him to stop looking at him like he actually cares about his wellbeing, because it is all becoming too much and Hux has no desire to deal with something as petty as feelings.   

Hux is just about to grab Ren when the Knight holds up one hand. Hux stops. "I can make it better", Ren says quietly, almost hesitantly. His face is too open, too youthful, and for the first time since they met Hux wishes that Ren had his mask on. "Make the illness go away for at least a little while. If you let me."  

"I..." Hux starts to say but then closes his mouth when Ren's words register in his head. "You can do that?" he asks incredulously.   

Ren takes a step closer, pulling his gloves off to reveal his long fingers. "I have started practicing healing", he says. "The Supreme Leader thinks I am ready for it."  

Hux doesn't know how exactly Snoke trains Ren, but it is obvious that it has something to do with the Force. Though he rarely admits it, Ren's powers have always unnerved him a bit. Hux was raised to believe in order and discipline, not in some Force nonsense, and when Snoke first informed him that his apprentice, who was apparently very gifted in the ways of the Force, would come to the Finalizer to help him with their cause, Hux was sure that the Force would be no more than mere parlor tricks. He had never really understood what the Force actually was, because they rarely even mentioned it at the Academy where they emphasised the importance of hard work and ambition. Force was for the Jedi and the Sith, myths from the old tales, and because it was something that he could never reach, Hux had dismissed it completely and focused on much more sensible matters.   

But after seeing Ren freeze blaster bolts mid-air and kill people without even touching them, Hux has been forced to admit that Ren and the Force he uses are very useful assets to the First Order, both on the battlefield and behind it. Nowadays the mere mention of Ren is enough to make civilians and even rebels tremble in fear, and there are rumours about him throughout the galaxy. Some make it seem like he is a myth, a god that cannot be killed, while some whisper of a monster who tears everything apart. In Hux's opinion Ren is neither, he is an overgrown child without an ounce of self-control, but it is good propaganda to make it seem that they have someone like that on their side.   

As far as Hux knows, Ren is one of the few Force users still alive, and that is what makes him so valuable to Snoke. Hux doesn't know much about Ren's past because his file doesn't reveal much and Hux is not stupid enough to ask, but there have been insistent rumours that Ren was training to be a Jedi when Snoke seduced him to the Dark Side. It would certainly explain Ren's obsession with finding Luke Skywalker, but for some reason that theory doesn't sit well with Hux. Maybe it is because he is so drawn to the chaos and disorder inside Ren, his madness and destruction, but Hux doesn't want to imagine Ren as someone else, as someone good and untainted, because Ren belongs to their side, to Hux's side. Hux wants to keep him in the dark where they can be glorious together, two burning supernovas that will swallow the whole galaxy.   

"What do you need me to do?" Hux asks suspiciously. He may have grown used to Ren using the Force around him, but that doesn’t mean that he particularly likes it. The Force is too unpredictable and uncontrollable, nothing like his machines and carefully programmed soldiers, and though it has its uses, Hux is much more comfortable when he doesn't have to be around it.  

Ren is looking at him with a strange expression Hux can't decipher. "Just sit down", he says and Hux complies without asking why, trusting Ren. He feels vulnerable, unarmed and weak and too bare, but at the same time he knows that Ren wouldn't harm him. Not like this.  

Hux takes a deep breath to prepare himself for whatever Ren is going to do to him. Ren furrows his brows as though deep in thought, and then he crouches down in front of Hux so that their faces are on the same level. Hux finds himself staring greedily into Ren's eyes, unable to tear his gaze away.  

"I need to touch you", Ren says and raises his hand, letting it hover near Hux's face. Hux nods.  

Ren's cool hand cups his face, and Hux instinctively leans into his touch before he realises what he is doing. He thinks he sees a hint of smile on Ren's face before it is replaced by a look of intense concentration, and suddenly his hand grows warm against Hux's skin. Hux's eyes slip shut as Ren uses the Force to see into his mind, swaying slightly in his chair when a sudden wave of dizziness hits him. Ren's other hand catches him by his waist when he almost falls, and Hux would be mortified if he could form any coherent thoughts.  

"Don't resist it", Ren tells Hux. He has moved so close that their faces are almost touching. "You need to let me in."  

Hux nods again and concentrates on keeping his breathing level and staying still. Ren probes around his mind for a while, looking for something, and Hux feels his triumph flare like a spark when he finds it. It starts out slowly, almost unnoticeably, but then Hux notices that the longer Ren stays in his head, the better he feels. It is something he cannot quite describe, the soft touch that soothes his mind and body, but he feels so much lighter and purer, and when the feeling finally fades, Hux thinks that he could weep in joy. For the first time in several days his head is free of any pain, and his whole body basks in a blissful warmth.  

Hux opens his eyes slowly. "Thank you", he says sincerely. Ren is still holding him almost gently, but neither of them notice that. Or if they do, they don't mention it.  

"It's not a lasting solution", Ren warns him. "It will keep the sickness at bay for some time, but not indefinitely."  

"That is fine", Hux breathes out. It is strange how he can feel the traces of the Force inside his mind, healing him and restoring his strength. He is practically quivering with energy, and fleetingly he wonders if this is what Ren feels like all the time. Who knew that such power could feel so incredible? He thinks he could get drunk off it, and when he smiles lazily and plants his lips firmly on Ren's mouth in gratitude, he blames it on his Force-induced high.  

Ren responds enthusiastically, dropping down to his knees and wrapping his arms tighter around Hux's body as Hux takes a fistful of Ren's thick robes to hold him in place. They kiss passionately, both trying to gain the upper hand like they always do, and Hux cannot hold back his embarrassingly loud groan when Ren moves his lips to his neck and sinks his teeth in the soft flesh. Ren lets out a laugh.  

"So now you are in the mood?" he says with that infuriating smirk of his when they separate for air. Hux is having difficulties controlling his breathing and his heart is hammering in his chest. "My apologies, General, but I think I am needed elsewhere now. I must leave you to your devices. And if I recall correctly, that was your wish, wasn't it?"   

He makes a slight movement as if to pull away, but Hux has a forceful grip on him that prevents him from going anywhere. Ren raises his eyebrows in a clear challenge, his lips swollen and deliciously red, and Hux yanks him back and smashes their mouths together in a bruising kiss.  

"Don't you dare go anywhere", he snarls against Ren's lips between their hungry kisses. His hands have found Ren's belt and removed it, and Ren's fingers are toying with the waistband of Hux's trousers but not even trying to take them off. Hux wants to cry out in frustration.   

"Oh, is that an order?" Ren asks, clearly enjoying this little game they are playing.   

Hux wrenches Ren's head back by tugging his hair roughly, and Ren's eyes dilate in lust and his breathing quickens. Hux has always loved seeing him like this, wild and so alive. "Yes, it is", he says. "And I suggest you follow it."  

Ren's mouth widens into a predatory smile. He surges forward to steal a kiss, and Hux meets him in the middle, panting and moaning every time his nerves tingle deliciously with pleasure. Ren has become a truly wonderful kisser, he thinks idly as their kiss turns into a battle of lips and teeth, their bodies tangled together. Hux is still sitting in his chair and Ren has practically climbed into his lap, and though this is all very enjoyable, Hux wants more. He is burning in his skin, desiring Ren with every cell in his body. He needs to have more.  

"My, someone's very eager", Ren chuckles in a low voice. His hands have settled themselves on Hux's hips, his grips bruising, but Hux doesn't mind. His body is still littered with the bruises and marks Ren left there the last time, faded but not gone, and sometimes Hux catches himself admiring them in front of his mirror. He always tells Ren not to leave visible marks, but Ren rarely listens to him, and on more than one occasion Hux has been forced to use concealer to cover up the bruises on his neck. He pretends to find it irritating, but secretly he loves it. Loves the way Ren devours him in his infinite hunger, the way he maps out Hux's body with his mouth, the way he looks at him when he soothes the aching marks afterwards.   

 _Mine_ , Ren whispered once when he was fucking Hux, his face pressed into the column of Hux's neck, and Hux's heart jumped to his throat and he came so hard that he saw white. In the morning they both pretended that it had never happened and continued their arrangement, but something shifted after that, something changed. Hux doesn't like to think about it, so he ignores the awful fluttering feeling he gets in his stomach every time Ren is near and tells himself that he is just imagining things. It is better that way.  

Suddenly Ren stands up and pulls Hux with him so roughly that Hux stumbles on his trembling feet, and then they are suddenly lying on Hux's bed. Hux sinks into the mattress, his eyes following Ren's every movement as he removes his unnecessarily complicated robe. Ren adjusts his body so that he is straddling Hux and keeping him in place, and for a moment he just looks at Hux, his hair falling in front of his face, and Hux is feeling very hot underneath his uniform. He wishes Ren would just touch him instead of being such a damn tease.  

"Well, do get on with it", he says, aiming for a nonchalant tone and failing miserably. Ren smirks at him.  

"All in good time, General", he says airily.  

Hux is almost ready to kick Ren in his frustration, but then Ren leans down and takes Hux's face in his hands. They look into each other's eyes, brown meeting blue, and then Ren is kissing him again and Hux melts into his touch. The effect Ren has on him is too strong, Hux knows, but it's hard to care about that when warm hands are roaming across his body, touching every inch of visible skin.  

Somehow they manage to wrestle Hux out of his uniform, and Hux almost keens in relief when their bare bodies press against each other. He reaches out with his hands and puts them on Ren's hips, pulling him so close that it is hard to tell where Ren ends and Hux begins. They keep kissing for a while, gasping into each other's mouths every time they have to separate for air, and then Ren starts to make his way downwards, his hot breath ghosting over Hux's overly sensitive skin. Hux's mouth falls open with a loud moan.   

This day is certainly going into a much better direction than he anticipated, Hux thinks absentmindedly, but then Ren's mouth reaches his painfully hard erection, and everything else ceases to matter.  

* * *

When Hux wakes up in the morning, Ren is gone. 

He is nicely warm and comfortable under the silky covers, lounging lazily with his limbs spread out, and there is not a headache in sight for the first time in days. Mumbling sleepily, he turns on the bed and reaches out with his arm, but there is only empty air where there should be warm skin and hard muscles. Hux frowns in displeasure, eyes still closed and mind blissfully drowsy, and nuzzles the pillow next to him. He sighs contently when he breathes in the familiar scent that clings to it, one that he can't really describe but recognises anywhere. 

Then he realises what he is doing and bolts upright, eyes snapping open. He immediately turns and sees that the other side of the wide bed (Ren's side, Hux's mind whispers to him in malicious glee) is empty and cold, abandoned. For a fleeting moment Hux looks at it mournfully and something painful stabs his heart. It hurts. But then he comes to his senses, and an ugly scowl appears on his face, twisting his features. He throws the pillow out of the bed in a burst of childish anger. 

Hux doesn't understand why it bothers him so much to wake up alone this time, and frankly, it is pathetic that he even misses the warmth of Ren's body next to him. Of course Ren didn't stay long, he never does; usually he dresses himself the moment he wakes up and leaves without a word, returns to the world of masks and monsters where there is no place for something as weak as feelings. Sometimes Hux pretends to be asleep so that he doesn't have to face him because it is easier to just let him go, but other times, though, he watches Ren leave. Ren is unusually serene in the mornings, worn out and satiated after a rough night, and there is something very fascinating about seeing him like that over and over again, maskless and oddly vulnerable.  

Once, a few weeks ago, Hux woke up in the middle of the night for some reason. When he shed the last remains of sleep from his mind, he found himself being held by Ren. They had went to sleep without touching each other, but at that moment their legs were tangled together and Ren's arms were wrapped around Hux's waist and hips, holding him in place. Hux didn't dare to move because he didn't want to wake Ren up and break the illusion of peace, not just yet. Instead, he studied Ren closely, letting his eyes sweep over his mussed hair, the dark lashes fluttering against his cheeks, the endearingly big nose and the plump lips. Hux touched Ren's mouth with his fingers, just brushed it softly, and Ren let out a sigh and tightened his hold on Hux unconsciously, pulling him even closer. Hux continued his exploration until he had almost every inch of Ren's body mapped out and saved into his memory, and only then did he allow himself to fall asleep again, his hand resting over Ren's heart. 

Sometimes he still thinks about that night. In the light of the day it all seemed suddenly so foolish and too sentimental, but as Hux lay in his bed and stared at the ceiling long after Ren had left, he couldn't get the memory of the smooth expanse of Ren's pale skin and his strange, beautiful face out of his mind. When Ren was asleep, he looked more peaceful than ever, more human, and the image etched itself into Hux's memory like a parasite feeding on his heart. He can’t get rid of it, but he is not even sure he wants to. 

Hux throws the covers off his body and climbs off the bed, his feet landing on the hard floor. He doesn't even need to look in the mirror to know that there all new bite marks and bruises of various sizes all over his body, because he can feel them all still burning softly with the memory of Ren's touch. Hux traces his finger along a purpling bruise on his left hip where Ren gripped him hard, and he doesn't even register the pain when he presses down on it. The marks are startlingly dark against his pale skin, and they are splattered on his body like a map, starting from his inner thighs and ending on his neck. When Hux sees them, he is reminded of Ren’s teeth and lips on his skin, savouring him. The thought makes him shiver, and not in an unpleasant way. 

The first thing Hux does after getting out of bed is go the bathroom and shower. He reeks of sex and his body is uncomfortable sticky almost everywhere, and Hux has always had very little tolerance for uncleanliness, preferring purity and neatness. When the warm water rains down on him and washes away all the dirt, Hux allows himself to relax and closes his eyes briefly, resting his head against the wall. Their sex is usually rather rough, but Ren is a surprisingly considerate lover, always taking care of Hux's pleasure instead of focusing only on his own, and Hux's body aches pleasantly everywhere. Ren has definitely come a long way from the first time they had sex. 

When he is done with showering, he grabs himself a towel and drapes it around his hips, and then returns to his bedroom. The clothes he wore yesterday are littered all over the floor, thrown there carelessly when Ren ripped them off his body. Hux picks them up one by one, wrinkling his nose when he sees how creased his normally pristine clothes are, and puts them in the laundry. Then he takes a clean uniform and puts it on, making sure that every button and clasp is fastened correctly. With the familiar uniform on, Hux feels much more in his element. He hasn't worn civilian clothes in years, because all the students at the Academy were forced to wear the same dull grey uniform that made them look like clones. Hux didn't like looking like everyone else, because he knew from the beginning that he was so much better than any of them, destined to greatness and glory, and nowadays he wears his greatcoat as a sign of his status, the general's stripes on his sleeve visible to everyone.  

Fully clothed, Hux goes to the bathroom again and fixes his still damp hair with a comb and pomade. He has worn his hair this way since he was a teenager, preferring to have it short and smooth against his scalp, and making sure that every strand of hair is strictly in place has become a part of his morning routine. Once is satisfied with the result, he leaves his quarters and starts to make his way toward the bridge. 

On the bridge he gets the night report from the officer in charge, and he is pleased to know that nothing out of ordinary has happened. The ship is in full functionality, the crew is working efficiently, and everything is calm and controlled just as it should be. Hux lets himself smile briefly in satisfaction as he watches the monitors that show the feed from all the cameras installed on the ship. A ship as large as the Finalizer could be difficult to handle, but Hux rules it with unwavering discipline and lets no disturbances go unnoticed. Supreme Leader has entrusted the task of commanding the flagship of the First Order's fleet to him, and Hux will not let anything ruin that for him. 

He takes his place at the commander's station, sitting down and pulling out a data pad to go through all the messages and reports that require his attention. He feels much more focused and better than yesterday, because all his headaches are gone now and he isn't even cold anymore. It seems that Ren's Force-healing trick really worked. Hux feels a strange warmth in his chest when he thinks about what Ren did for him, how he helped him. Ren could have just let him wallow in his misery, but instead he took the illness away, and even if it is just a temporary solution, Hux is grateful. He didn't think that Ren cared that much. Didn't dare to think that he cared. 

Banishing all thoughts of Ren from his mind because he can't afford to be distracted, Hux returns to his work. As the General his duties are immense and his days full, but Hux doesn't mind it. It keeps his mind grounded and reminds him of everything that he has done for this position, and though it can be tedious and stressful sometimes, he actually likes working. He has never been one for idling about when there are much more productive things to do.  

Hux takes a more comfortable position in his seat and opens up a file about the stromtrooper program. He quickly loses himself in the letters and numbers that detail the increasingly growing success of the First Order's plans, and he feels his excitement rising. Everything is falling into place piece by piece, and once the Resistance is crushed, nothing will stand in their way. And when it happens, Hux will finally get to do the thing he was born to do. 

He will rule. 

* * *

Hux doesn’t often train at the same time as the troopers and officers because he enjoys his solitude, but after a holovid meeting with his father, he makes his way straight towards the training rooms, irritated and tense. He wants to hit something and hit it soon. 

It had been a fairly long time since he last talked to his father, so when the request for a short meeting came, Hux accepted it without much further thought. But the moment his father's face appeared on the screen, his ruthless eyes and hard lines, Hux knew that it had been a mistake. Hux Senior, a curt man used to cutting through the chase, immediately informed his son that there had been lots of talk about his failure to crush the Resistance for good and find Skywalker, and that some were beginning to think that he had been promoted too early. That he wasn't good enough for his job. 

Hux Senior looked at Hux coldly and told him that he would not tolerate such failures much longer. It was unacceptable that people were daring to imply that his son was incapable of doing his duties, but it was even worse that Hux had given them any reason to talk in the first place. If he was a better general, the Resistance would no longer bother them and the First Order would rule the galaxy, Hux Senior said and then proceeded to tell Hux that if he wanted to still carry the family name, he would immediately stop being such an embarrassment.  

Hux listened to his father, seething, and wanted nothing more than to throw something at him. Instead, he kept his face impassive and promised his father that he would soon be successful and prove everyone that he was the right man for the job. Once the connection broke, Hux took a deep breath and counted to ten. It didn't help. 

Although he holds little love for his father, Hux still can’t stop himself from craving his approval, and he hates it. Hates that even though he is a general of the First Order, commander of the flagship and Supreme Leader’s trusted man, Brendol Hux Senior can still make him feel like a little boy about to get a scolding. Hux doesn’t need his father anymore, he is his own man now, but still the shadow hangs heavy over him and he can’t seem to get rid of it no matter how hard he tries to.  

Though it is foolish to linger in the past, Hux can't help but think of his childhood once again. It wasn't a happy one, not really; he was raised with an iron fist, because as the Commandant of the Academy Hux Senior had very high expectations for his only son. It was clear from the start that Hux would be raised to be a military man just like his father and his father before him, and not just some foot soldier but a true leader. To Hux Senior, Hux has never been more than a way to carry on their lineage and legacy. A puppet to be moved in strings, an obedient robot, a slave. Never an actual person. 

Their home wasn't a happy place either. The moment Hux was old enough to start thinking with his own mind, he realised that his parents didn't love each other. They rarely even touched, let alone kissed, and their eyes were always cold when they looked at each other. At formal events they played the part of a unified family with fake smiles and lies, but in the secrecy of their home they could barely stand each other. They never yelled, that much Hux remembers, but they avoided each other and spoke only when absolutely necessary and somehow that was even worse. Hux, who was just a child, never understood what was going on with their family. He didn't understand why his father looked at him like there was something wrong with him or why his mother would sometimes cry in the bathroom when she thought no one could hear her.  

Once Hux dared to ask her what was wrong, and she smiled at him through her tears and said that everything was alright. He remembers wiping her tears away and pressing a kiss to her cheeks, and then sitting on her lap until he fell asleep and she carried him to bed. And little Hux finally understood that his family was broken, that they were all broken. He wanted to pick up the pieces and fix them, force them together again, but he didn't know how. 

His father has never cared much about him, not even when he excelled at the Academy and rose through the ranks faster than any of his peers, and Hux knows it is because Hux Senior regards him as weak and soft, his mother's son, and his father has always despised weaknesses. To him life is all about keeping up appearances no matter how horrible you might feel, and that rule was extended to his only son with a firm hand. From mere infancy Hux was taught that a true man, a respectable man, weeded out all weaknesses before they even could surface and hardened himself into stone, because all that mattered was discipline, efficiency and control. No subordinate would ever respect a superior who showed even hints of weakness, Hux Senior would always say, and therefore he allowed nothing short of death to keep him from doing his duties.  

The day Hux's mother died from a disease that made her cough up blood all over herself and turned her eyes a terrible shade of red, Hux Senior calmly placed a sheet over his dead wife and ordered the servants to take her body away. Hux, a child of five and about to start his first year at the Academy, cried his voice hoarse and clung to his mother's corpse, refusing to let go. His father pried him off roughly, backhanded him straight across the face so hard that he drew blood, and told him to stop his wailing instantly because he was a Hux and he ought to finally start acting like one. Then, as though nothing had happened, he went to work like he had done for thirty years and never even mentioned the tragedy that had befallen his family. Hux never cried in front of anyone after that.  

After that it was just his father and him, and Hux let himself be turned into whatever was wanted of him, because he foolishly thought that if he was more like the other boys at the Academy, his father could learn to love him. He became a perfect student, hardworking and obedient, never second-guessing anything, and all his teachers were pleased to inform Commandant Hux that his son would become great asset to them. By the time Hux was nine, he was so far ahead of his peers in every possible area that he was transferred to an upper class, where he continued to be one of the most promising students the Academy had ever seen. 

For years Hux did everything that was asked of him and more, but his father still barely acknowledged him. It hurt, it really hurt, but as Hux grew older and wiser, he started to understand that nothing would change the way his father felt about him and that it was pointless to even try. He decided that he would no longer let his father control him like some brainless stormtrooper. Instead, he would become a far greater man than Hux Senior could ever hope to be, a man so brilliant and strong that the whole galaxy would bow before him.  

The Emperor. 

Hux can see it in his mind every time he closes his eyes. The throne, the crown, the planets at his feet. He knows that he could be a great ruler, both loved and feared. With all that power safe in his hands, the galaxy would never fall into disorder again. 

Training room number two is quite full when Hux enters it, but after a moment's consideration he decides to stay there. There are a few officers doing individual training with the weighs, and the wrestling mat is occupied by Phasma and about a dozen stormtroopers, all of them looking slightly terrified as they wait for their turn. Hux watches them for a moment, and in that time Phasma fights three troopers and beats them all, putting them on their backs after only a few moves. The waiting troopers wince every time one of their comrades falls to the mat with a painful thud.  

Hux goes to change his clothes and reappears after a few minutes, now clad in light training trousers and a sleeveless shirt. It is a bit chilly in the room and a shudder rakes through his body, but once he goes to the punching bags, wraps his hands and starts hitting one of the bags in earnest, all coldness is quickly chased from his bones. It doesn't take him long to start sweating, but Hux cares little about that and continues punching the hell out of the bag, causing it to swing hard back and forth. He shuts everything else outside, doesn't listen to any of the sounds except his own laboured breathing and the groans of the bag. It is his father's face he imagines every time his fists connect with it, his mocking smile and cold eyes, and Hux doesn't even feel the ache in his hands as he punches and punches, over and over again. 

"What did that bag ever do to you?" 

Hux stops the bag in its tracks and turns to glance at Phasma, panting and his skin glistening with sweat. Phasma is not wearing her helmet or armour, just training clothes that are similar to his, and there is an amused glint in her bright blue eyes. She doesn't take her helmet off often, preferring to remain masked because it gives her respect and also makes her intimidating enough to keep the stormtroopers in line, but Hux doesn't need to see her face to know what she looks like.  

They have known each other for years, meeting for the first time when Hux was just a lieutenant and Phasma a regular stormtrooper, and they became fast friends, or whatever counts as friends in the First Order. Hux never really had friends at the Academy because he was too clever and too strange, and many thought that he was favoured because of his father and they shunned him because of that, but he thinks he can regard Phasma as a friend. They have an easy sort of comradeship because they are quite similar, both raised to serve the First Order and forever loyal to it, and Hux has always found it fairly easy to talk to her. Nothing too personal, of course, but he can tell her things he would never tell anyone else. She understands him better than most. 

"Nothing", Hux grunts, wishing he had water with him to soothe his dry throat. As though reading his mind, Phasma offers him her bottle. Hux takes it and drinks greedily. 

Phasma raises her brows, swiping her blond hair away from her sweaty forehead. "Are you sure? It looked like it had personally offended you." 

"I was just in the mood for exercise", Hux says casually. He has to crane his neck to meet Phasma's eyes, because she is a head taller than most of the people on the Finalizer, including him. She is a very impressive warrior, and even more impressive a woman. 

"You never train this early." 

"Well, I felt like doing something different today", Hux says with an edge to his voice. The conversation he had with his father left him in a foul mood, and though punching the bag took most of his tension and anger away, some of it still lingers. And though they are friends, his father is not something he wants to discuss with her. Or with anyone, for that matter. 

"Sure, sure", Phasma says with a shrug, then changes the topic. "What do you say about sparring with me? Those rookies need to be shown how it's done properly because they are absolutely horrible at it." 

Hux glances at the troopers that are waiting for Phasma near the mat, looking thoroughly exhausted and staring at their captain and him. Once they notice him looking at them, they quickly avert their eyes and pretend to be busy with something. 

"Alright", he says finally. It has been a while since he has sparred with anyone, and Phasma is a good opponent because she is very skillful and knows several different fighting styles. Besides, as the General of this ship he should be an example to his subordinates. It is good for morale that he interacts with the soldiers and inspires loyalty in them. 

“Pay attention!” Phasma barks at the stormtroopers once she and Hux have taken their places on the mat, standing a few feet apart and facing each other. “The General has kindly offered to assist me in trying to get this through your thick skulls, so you better watch closely and learn something or gods help me I will wring your necks.” 

The troopers all nod in unison, their unmasked faces pale. Now that Hux looks more closely at them, he notices that they are just cadets instead of proper stormtroopers. Judging by the numbers and letters on their shirts, they are a part of the FN Corps. Phasma has been training them personally for a while, and though she complains about them quite often, she has also said that they have great potential.  

Phasma turns to Hux. “Best out of three?” 

He nods, getting in the position. For a moment they both stand still, looking at each other, but then Phasma makes the first move. She reaches out with her leg, aiming a powerful kick at Hux’s abdomen, but he dances out of her way and replies with a punch. Phasma parries it easily with her arm, and when Hux tries to kick her legs out underneath her, she jumps out of the way and catches him in the ribs with her fist. A stab of pain blooms in his side, and Hux fights back a wince. He is rustier than he thought he was. 

They continue like this for some time, neither of them willing to give in. Phasma overpowers Hux in sheer force, but he is much quicker and thus able to parry most of her attacks. The first fights end with Hux managing to fool Phasma into rushing to the wrong direction with a feint and then bringing her down with a kick. He quickly pins her down and holds her there until she yields, and then he helps her back up and they start the second fight without a break. 

Phasma, apparently annoyed by losing the first match, fights back harder, and after enduring a series of hits and kicks without managing to land anything but a few weak hits on her, Hux finally falls down on his back with a groan, and she pounces him like a lion, letting her full weight hold him down. Hux is forced to yield, and now the score is even.  

Their fight has garnered the attention of others besides Phasma’s cadets. The officers who were lifting the weighs have now stopped and are watching them, and some other people have filled the small balcony above the room, no doubt curious about a sparring match between their general and Captain Phasma. Hux can see them watching him from the corner of his eyes, but he pays them no attention, focusing fully on the fight. If he wants to win this, he cannot lose his concentration for even a second. 

What finally ends their fight is Phasma’s slight advantage over him, her size. When she notices that her punches and kicks are not enough to force him down and keep him there, she rushes to him with a few powerful steps and just throws herself at him. Hux is already tired and his muscles are aching from exertion, so when it happens, he cannot sidestep Phasma quickly enough. Her whole body falls on him, and he lands on the mat, unable to stay up under her weight. Phasma lets out a triumphant laugh and puts her arm across Hux’s throat, constricting his airways so that he can’t force her off.  

“Do you yield?” she says, breathing heavily. 

Hux thinks his eyes might bulge out of his head if she doesn’t remove her arm soon. “I yield.” 

Phasma climbs off him and offers him her hand, and Hux takes it, letting her pull him up. He is panting and sweating like a pig, and his damp clothes feel disgusting against his skin. Hux can't wait to get in the shower so that he can wash all that dirt away. 

"Not bad", Phasma says to him with a loop-sided smile, and that is a compliment by her standards. Then she turns to the cadets, raising her voice. "See, that's how it's done. Did you notice how the General changed his style several times? It's because unpredictability always gives you an edge over your opponent in a fight, and the more different fighting styles you use, the harder it is for the opponent to predict your next moves." 

She gives them a strict look. "I hope you all learned something. FN-2187 and FN-2003, your turn next. I expect to see something better than that abysmal performance you gave earlier. And FN-2187, do not go easy on 2003. He needs to start getting by on his own if he ever wants to get promoted; he can't hold on to you forever." 

Two of the troopers, a dark-skinned man and a somewhat scrawny-looking man with mouse brown hair, nod. The brown-haired one, apparently FN-2003, looks quite miserable, but as Phasma turns her back on them to pick up her water bottle, FN-2187 whispers something to his ear that makes him crack a smile. Then they take their places on the mat and start the fight. 

Phasma watches the cadets for a moment, Hux standing by her side. He can tell that his presence makes some of the cadets nervous, especially FN-2003, who keeps stealing scared glances at him instead of concentrating on the sparring match. FN-2187 beats him in under a minute, and a quick look at Phasma tells Hux that she is grinding her teeth together and frowning thunderously. She tells the troopers to do it again, even though FN-2187 appears somewhat reluctant to fight his comrade, and when FN-2003 is sent sprawling on the mat again, Phasma starts shouting at him. 

"FN-2003, have you listened to anything I said? Do not ever turn your back to the enemy!" 

FN-2003 mumbles an apology, and Phasma turns to Hux, shaking her head in irritation. "I swear, that boy is hopeless. No matter what I do, nothing seems to work. He's the weakest of the group, always falling behind and pulling the others down with him." 

"What about his comrade?", Hux asks, eyes glued to the dark-skinned trooper. Though not particularly tall, he seems to be strong and quite skilled, giving his sparring partner no other choice but to endure his attacks and evading all the blows sent his way. "FN-2187. He seems rather promising." 

"He is", Phasma says with a nod. "He's leader material, excels in simulations and scores top marks in everything else. There is great potential in him." 

Hux can hear that there is something else she wants to say. "But?" 

Phasma purses her lips. "He's too empathetic. FN-2003 seems to be his friend, and FN-2187 shows him sympathy instead of leaving him behind like a proper trooper would. He might be more loyal to his comrades than to the First Order." 

"Do you think that it might become a problem?" 

"Perhaps not", Phasma responds after a moment. "He's just a cadet, after all. Some of them still cling to unnecessary emotions, but I'm confident that once he sees real battle, he will embrace his duties and fulfill his potential." 

"Good", Hux says. "When will the group be ready?" 

Phasma taps her fingers against her jaw. "A couple of months, I'd say. Two." 

"I trust that you will see to it", Hux says with a small smile, turning to look at her. Phasma is one of the few people on this ship who he actually likes instead of just tolerating, and as the leader of the stormtrooper captains, Phasma is an adept warrior and forever loyal to the Order, fully believing in their cause. Hux is glad that there is at least someone whose competence and loyalty he can trust. 

They watch the sparring troopers for a moment, Phasma switching up the pairs a few times and shouting corrections and even a few praises, but when the troopers start looking like their feet are about to give out underneath them, Phasma decides to show some mercy and finally dismisses them with a flick of her wrist. 

"Simulation training tomorrow", she tells sternly them before they go. "At 8000 hours. Anyone who isn't on time will work in sanitation for a week." 

"Yes, Captain!" they say in unison and then head towards the changing rooms. Once they are away from her sight, Phasma turns to Hux again with a sharp look in her eyes that Hux doesn't like, not one bit. 

"Now, what was that earlier? Why were you in such a bad mood?" she asks. 

Hux frowns. "Like I said, it was nothing." 

"You're a bad liar", Phasma says casually, plopping down on the mat to stretch. Hux stands still for a moment, but then follows her example with a sigh. If he doesn't stretch now, his muscles will ache tomorrow, and that is not something he particularly wants. 

"Was it because of Ren?" Phasma asks mid-stretch, her legs wide apart and her back bent. Hux's head snaps up. 

"What makes you think it had anything to do with him?" he asks sharply. 

"So you admit that there was something?" 

She grins, showing her perfectly white teeth. Hux glares at her. 

“Well it certainly wasn’t because of Ren”, he says, not willing to admit that it was his father that got him in such a mood. “Why would it have been?” 

Phasma shrugs. “He can get under your skin like no one else can, so I figured he might have done something that pushed you too far.” 

“Ren doesn’t get under my skin”, Hux snorts. “In fact, I couldn’t care less about him as long as he doesn’t go around destroying my ship.” 

“Is that what you tell him when you fuck him?” 

Hux chokes on air. When his face starts to turn alarmingly red, Phasma hits him on the back until he can breathe normally again. 

“How do you _know_?” he hisses at Phasma, inching closer and glancing around them to make sure that no one else is close is enough to hear them.  

“I’m perceptive, and you're not as inconspicuous as you think you are”, Phasma says with a smirk. “And I once saw him leave your rooms in the middle of the night.” 

Hux gapes at her, not believing his ears. She knows about him and Ren, knows that their relationship is not strictly professional. Hux has heard about the occasional rumours circulating the ship, but so far he has comforted himself with the thought that they are just gossip and no one really knows that it is the truth. But now Phasma knows, and judging by the look in her eyes, she has known for some time.  

“If you tell _anyone_ – “ he starts to say, but Phasma cuts him off with a wave of her hand. 

“Of course I won’t tell anyone”, she says, sounding almost insulted. “Why would I? It’s none of their business, and I’m not going to blackmail you over it, Brendol.” 

Hux takes a deep breath to steady himself. “I’m sorry. I just, I don’t want people to know”, he admits in an unusual bout of honesty, and it is the truth. Technically what he and Ren do is not the crew’s business, but Hux wants to keep his life private, and he knows that if the nature of their relationship was revealed, there would be talk about him worming himself into Snoke’s favour by bedding his apprentice. It would undermine his authority, and that is not something Hux will let happen. 

"Well, your secret is safe with me", Phasma promises. "And I hardly think that Ren is going around telling everyone who listens that you're in a relationship, so it's just us who know." 

"There is no relationship between me and Ren", Hux says immediately. 

Phasma raises her eyebrows. "You've been fucking for at least four months, and in that time Ren has stopped wrecking the ship as often as before, hasn't killed many of my troopers, and even you have started smiling once in a while instead of looking like there's a stick up your ass. And now you're telling me that there is nothing between you. Please, Hux, I'm not an idiot." 

"It is just sex", Hux responds tersely. "Nothing more than that. I don't know what could have made you think otherwise, Phasma, but you are wrong." 

"If that was the case, you wouldn't be this defensive", Phasma says with a snort.  

Hux frowns again, starting to feel very uncomfortable with this conversation. Ren is not something he is willing to discuss even with himself, let alone with Phasma, because every time he even starts thinking about it, he gets sucked into a vortex of crippling confusion and forbidden dreams. Hux wants nothing to do with it, so he never lets himself think of what they have and what they could have.  

"I'm not defensive", he snaps before realising how petulant he actually sounds. "You know what, this whole conversation is a waste of my time. My feelings for Ren have not changed since he arrived here, and they are certainly not going to change now just because we happen to fuck every now and then. Trust me, Phasma, I still hate him just as much as I did before." 

"Do you?" 

Phasma's voice has become quiet, barely above a whisper, and Hux stops in his tracks, his angry retort dying in his mouth. Phasma is looking into his eyes, her gaze piercing him straight through, and Hux suddenly feels like an animal caught in a snare. 

"Yes, I do", he answers.  

He doesn't believe himself for a second, and oh, there is that feeling once again. The feeling of drowning on nothing and still never dying. 

Phasma shakes her head at him. "Stop lying to yourself, Hux. It will all be much easier if you do that." 

"Phasma, I..." Hux begins to say but then trails off, clicking his mouth shut. There are so many things he wishes he could tell her, but even though they are friends, Hux doesn't think he can bare himself like that. Can't crack himself open and let her see what he is really trying to keep hidden inside. 

"I don't want to talk about it", he says finally. 

"But you should", Phasma points out. "I don't expect you to suddenly bare your soul to me because you're, well, you, but you shouldn't just bottle it up either. I don't presume to know how exactly you feel about him, but even I can see that you don't hate him, not anymore." 

Hux has a horrible feeling that she is right. He thinks of the waking up, of his hands reaching out for Ren who wasn't there anymore, of the sinking feeling he got in his stomach when he realised that he was alone. 

"I've got myself into a big mess, haven't I?" he sighs after a moment, closing his eyes briefly. 

Phasma smiles at him, compassionate and slightly sad. "Yes, you have."

* * *

Days go by as usual, almost as though the ship is cycling a pattern, and nothing interesting or out of ordinary happens. Hux wakes up, works the whole day, and then goes to sleep, and when the morning comes, it all starts again. The only difference to his routine is that the more time passes, the more his health continues to deteriorate. 

He feels completely normal for a few blessed days, no doubt the result of Ren's healing, but soon the illness that plagued him comes back to bother him, and it comes back stronger. The headaches return in full force, bursts of pain stabbing his head like a needle every time he so much as moves an inch, and as though that wasn't enough, he is now suffering from constant dizziness and nausea. He sleeps badly despite the painkillers he takes, and several times he has woken up just in time to run to the bathroom and throw up everything he has eaten that day. Solid food is hard to keep down, so Hux is forced to nourish himself with nutritional liquids that taste horrible. Everything about this illness is horrible. 

He has considered going to the med bay for assistance, but his pride won't let him. No illness has ever stopped him from working, and he won't let this one stop him either. So he soldiers on through the impossibly long days even though he can barely focus on anything, and the more he forces himself to endure, the worse he feels until even rising from the bed is hard. He keeps his expressionless mask on in public and lets no signs of weakness show, but inside the privacy of his chambers he lies on the cold tiles of his bathroom floor and considers shooting himself in the head to make this stop. 

The illness has also taken a toll on his appearance. When Hux looks in the mirror in the mornings, he almost doesn't recognise the man he sees. His reflection looks exhausted, his skin pallid and pulled tightly over his already gaunt cheeks, and his usually sharp eyes are tired and dull. Enormous dark shadows have appeared under his eyes, making him look like he has been punched in the face, and Hux has started to use concealer to cover them up because he doesn't want anyone to see how bad his state actually is. He is determined to defeat this illness and refuses to let it gain an upper hand, and so he continues his works as usual and doesn't even let himself take any time off.  

He also thought about asking for Ren's help, but he dismissed that thought almost immediately. He doesn't think he could stand going to Ren and pleading for his help like some beggar on his knees, and there is always the possibility that Ren would just refuse and laugh at him. Hux is a very prideful man, especially around Ren, and he will rather let someone kill him than go to Ren in this state. The logical part of his mind tells him that there is no reason why he couldn't ask for Ren to heal him because he already did that once, but Hux refuses to listen to it. That was a moment of weakness, and he won't let it happen again. He doesn't want to bare himself for Ren like that again. 

"General? Sir?" 

Hux almost startles, but manages to keep his surprise concealed. He turns and sees one of the officers looking at him with her brows furrowed, her expression questioning. Her tone indicates that she already said something and he didn't respond to it. 

"Yes?" he says quickly, trying to banish the fuzziness from his head. He has been feeling awful the whole day, even worse than before, and it doesn't help that they are just about to start an important operation that requires his full focus.  

"The troops are ready to depart", the officer says. "We wait for your command." 

Hux glances the screens in front of him, barely even registering the numbers and letters on display. "Yes, yes, launch the shuttles", he tells her. She nods and lifts her communicator to her mouth, giving out the order. 

"Shuttles are moving, estimated time of arrival five minutes", some officer shouts from his station. Other presses a few buttons on her screen and suddenly a hologram appears in the air, showing the planet they are about to invade. Hux rises from his chair and tries to look like he isn't about to drop dead any moment. 

The bridge is bustling with people either stationed at their posts or running around delivering information. Even Ren, who rarely takes part in overseeing the missions he isn’t executing himself, is on the bridge. He is standing near the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, looking bored even through the mask, and everyone gives him a wide berth when they walk past him, avoiding his gaze to the best of their abilities. Hux can feel his eyes flickering to him every now and then, his gaze heavy on Hux’s skin, but he does his best to ignore it and focus on the operation. He hopes that Ren doesn’t notice how horrible he is feeling. 

He hasn’t seen Ren in days, not after Ren healed him, because they both have been busy with their own duties. Hux would never let himself admit it, but he has actually missed Ren’s company a bit. He is not the most riveting conversationalist, perhaps, but Hux likes his dry humour, and it is not like they even talk that much when they are together. Their meetings have always been marked with burning passion and not much thought for anything else, and it is fine that way. Hux has never considered himself a man who lets him desires rule him, but the first time they fucked, Ren ignited something in him that Hux hasn’t been able to snuff out since. He desires Ren more than he has ever wanted anyone, and the worst thing is that it is not just Ren’s body that he wants. No, he wants all of Ren, every little piece of him, but he knows it is wrong, and so it is all becoming too much. Hux has always prided himself on his ability to be detached and emotionless, all good traits for a leader, but Ren has changed him. Nowadays he _feels_ , and he feels too much. No matter how much he tries to tell himself otherwise, Ren has become a part of his life that he can’t cut off. Not anymore. 

Hux realises that he is once again thinking of Ren when he shouldn’t, and he returns his attention to the mission, angry with himself for being so damn weak. Yesterday they happened to intercept a message coming from Stewjon, a backwater planet in the Mid Rim. At first they thought it was nothing important, but according to the message, a small village in Stewjon was harbouring Resistance fighters who were trying to goad the rest of the planet into an open rebellion against the First Order and make them declare loyalty to the Resistance. Hux immediately ordered the Finalizer to make the jump through hyperspace to the Mid Rim so that they could attack the village and wound the Resistance. 

Ever since the Resistance rose to prominence behind the New Republic, it has been a constant thorn in Hux's side, one that he can't wait to get rid of. But to his annoyance it seems that no matter how many fighters they manage to find and kill, more and more emerge. They are like pests, unwanted and extremely difficult to eliminate, and Hux longs for the day when the weapon is ready so that he can blow them up once and for all. The New Republic is too cowardly to openly oppose the First Order, but the Resistance, led by Leia Organa who seems to have traded her royal title to that of a general's, has no qualms about loudly proclaiming their hatred for the Supreme Leader and the First Order. They should never have been allowed to rise, but somehow they did, and despite being fairly small and lacking in fire power, they are still a problem, and Hux hates them with passion. Without them and that Jedi scum Skywalker, the First Order would already rule the galaxy. 

Now they are about to start the attack, and Hux comforts himself with the thought that at least there will be a few Resistance members less when this all is over. Hux has sent two heavily armed stormtrooper squads and Phasma to get rid of the Resistance fighters, and in theory this should be a nothing but a simple and quick operation. They overpower the fighters, are much better equipped, and while the Resistance members will probably try to keep the civilians out of the way if it comes to a firefight, Hux has no qualms about destroying the whole village if it becomes necessary. He will not go on his way to do it because he is not that bloodthirsty, but all the stormtroopers have been given orders to shoot anyone who stands in their way. If the villagers know what is best for them, they will stay out of the fight. If they don’t, they will die with the Resistance members. 

"The shuttles have landed", an officer informs him loudly. "Permission to initiate the attack?" 

"Status?" Hux asks, swaying on his feet as a wave of dizziness hits him hard. He grips the edge of the table to keep himself still. 

"No villagers or Resistance members in sight yet. Troopers in position." 

Hux glances at the screens showing the feed from one of the stormtrooper's helmet camera as the shuttles open and troopers start to pour out. The planet is not a particularly prospering one, harsh rocks everywhere and very little vegetation, only low fields of brown grass covering the ground. There is a small village in the trooper's sight that consists of crude stone buildings and yards filled with animals that resemble banthas. It doesn't look like much, certainly not like a place for Resistance fighters, but Hux will take what he can get. Even if there is only one Resistance member, he will not rest until they are killed. 

"Hold", Hux says, frowning. The village looks completely isolated, not a soul in sight, and Hux has a bad feeling about it. Normally the arrival of stormtroopers is enough to send people running around screaming and panicking, but the village remains silent and still, all the doors and windows closed. He has a feeling that they are waiting. 

"They're barricaded in", he tells the crew, trying to keep his words from slurring too much. He thinks he will throw up if he has to be here much longer. "Or they might be planning an ambush. Captain Phasma, proceed with caution." 

"Troopers are moving now", an officer calls out after relaying the message to Phasma, who shouts orders to the troopers. "Distance: three hundred meters." 

The bridge fells into silence as everyone watches their screens and waits for the attack to begin. Hux has to blink all the time to keep his eyes open, and when he claps his hands in front of him, he sees that they are trembling uncontrollably. He is sweating underneath his uniform, but he still feels so cold, and he has to fight to keep his teeth from clattering. When he moves, black spots appear in his vision and swallow him whole. 

"Two hundred meters."  

Hux is shaking hard now, his whole body shuddering, and his head is feeling like it is about to explode into thousands of little pieces any minute now. He can't think straight, can barely move, and he has to grip the table again to stay upright when another wave of dizziness hit him, even stronger than the previous one. His hands have turned so white that they are almost translucent, his purpling veins visible under the skin, and Hux can't feel his legs anymore. All that he can feel is the pounding in his head tearing him open from the inside. 

"A hundred meters." 

One of the officers near Hux glances at him, then does a double take when he sees the general looking very ill. A worried look appears on the officer’s face, but before he can say anything or even move, Hux's eyes roll violently back in his head with an awful gurgle and he collapses on the bridge, right there in front of the whole crew. 

The last thing he hears before the world fades to black is the officer's voice saying that they have reached the target.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the second part of this. I'm not really as happy with this as I'd like to be because this all sounded better in my head and this ended up being a weird combination of several genres. Also, this is a bit shorter than the first chapter and might be a bit disjointed. Sorry. 
> 
> Thanks for all the comments and kudos!

When Hux comes to, he has no idea where he is.  
  
Disoriented and dizzy, he looks around and feels his panic rising when he doesn't recognise his surroundings. Everything is white and clinical, the room filled with beds and examination tables and shelves, and Hux's eyes hurt when he tries to take everything in. It is difficult to think straight when there is a blinding pain in his head and he feels like he is burning from the inside.  
  
There is something in his arm, Hux notices. His coat his been taken off and his sleeve rolled up to his elbow, and a long needle is stuck in his flesh, deep inside his veins. Clear liquid drops from the tube, and different scenarios run through Hux's blurry mind, each of them worse than the other. Maybe he has been kidnapped by the Resistance and they are poisoning him or worse, giving him something that will make him tell them everything he knows. Refusing to accept his fate, Hux tries pull the needle out, but just raising his hand is enough to fill his vision with black spots and he grunts in pain and frustration. He doesn't even notice the trail of blood coming from his nose until he tastes it on his lips.  
  
"Sir, please stay in bed, you are not well yet!" someone cries out suddenly, and Hux sees a medic rush into the room to stop him from tearing out the needle. She grabs his hand and sternly pushes it way, and were Hux feeling any better, he would strike her for daring to touch him. He tries to rise, but his body refuses to respond to his commands, and then he is hit with a strong wave of nausea. Hux leans over the edge of the bed, vomits on the floor, and passes out again.  
  
The next time he wakes up, he is much more aware of his surroundings and knows better than to try to rise immediately. He opens his eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the bright lights in the Finalizer's med bay, and he hasn't been awake longer than a few seconds when he hears footsteps coming into the room. Turning his head to the side, Hux sees the medic from earlier enter with a data pad in hand. Once she sees that Hux is awake, she approaches him.  
  
"How are you feeling, General?" she asks with a smile even though Hux sees that she is intimidated by him. Her face is unfamiliar to him, so she must be quite new, young and full of enthusiasm. Hux hates cheery people.  
  
He clears his throat, tasting the remnants of vomit. How lovely. "Well enough, doctor", he lies. "Report, please."  
  
"Sir?"  
  
Hux fights back a sigh. "What happened?"  
  
"Oh!" the medic exclaims, blushing. "Sir, you fainted on the bridge."  
  
"Pardon me?" Hux asks, not quite believing his ears.  
  
"Yes, um, we think that you are probably suffering from either Dantari flu or Hesken fever, and that the disease combined with over-exertion and exhaustion weakened you so much that you lost consciousness", the medic starts explaining. "You had a very high fever, muscle spams and there was some bleeding from your nose and ears. We managed to force the fever down and stop the bleeding, and we also gave you an intravenous infusion because of dehydration. Both diseases are fairly common so it is nothing that we can't fix and you are in a much better state now, but we should still do some tests to get a full diagnosis so that we can treat you properly. If it is Hesken fever, there is sometimes a possibility of paralysis if not treated correctly, and we'd rather not take any risks with you, General."  
  
She looks at him expectantly, ready to answer whatever questions he might have, but Hux barely even listened to her. His mind is still fixated on the horrible fact that he, a general of the First Order, fainted in the middle of an important operation like some pathetic weakling. He hasn't been feeling well, true, but he never thought that he get so sick that he would actually faint. Hux has always prided himself on his ability to withstand pain and illnesses, and he has never missed a day of work no matter how horrible he has felt. He fully intended to go through this day working just as efficiently as always and without letting anyone know that he was ill, because such trivial things do not matter, but apparently his body disagreed with him and simply gave out under him. His father would be immensely disappointed if he knew.  
  
"How long have I been here?" Hux asks, dreading the answer. His time is valuable and not to be wasted, and he is certain that he is already behind his carefully planned schedule.  
  
"Two hours, Sir", the medic responds, and Hux barely contains his flinch. "The tests and treatment took some time, and after making sure you were stable we thought it best to allow you to wake up on your own accord so that your body could gain some of its strength back."  
  
Two hours. Hux doesn't need to look at his schedule to know that he missed the end of the operation on Stewjon, a meeting with the trooper captains, and a thousand other things. Embarrassed beyond measure, Hux thinks he would rather fling himself into space than face anyone from the crew right now.  
  
"And how did I get here?" Hux asks, wanting to think of something other than his failure. He doesn't remember anything that happened after he lost consciousness, and though logic tells him that someone probably summoned the medics and they carried him away on a stretcher, something about this theory doesn't seem quite right. For a fleeting moment he recalls a faint memory of being held by warm and familiar arms.  
  
The medic fidgets under his gaze, looking deeply uncomfortable and not meeting his eyes. Hux is instantly suspicious. "Sir, um... you were brought here after you fainted", she says.  
  
"Yes, of course, but who brought me here, doctor?" Hux asks impatiently, pushing himself up from the bed. Her nervousness is irritating him because nerves indicate incompetence, and his mind is still annoyingly fuzzy.  
  
"It... it was Lord Ren, Sir. When you fainted, he carried you here", the medic breathes out quickly as though hoping that he wouldn't hear her, mumbling so much that her words are almost incomprehensible. Hux is still able to hear her. He stares.  
  
"Lord Ren", he repeats slowly, his face betraying no emotions, and the medic nods in confirmation and swallows nervously. A droid that monitors Hux's heartbeat starts to beep louder.  
  
That idiot, Hux thinks and grits his teeth so hard that it hurts. He can imagine the chaos his unexpected fainting caused on the bridge that was in full operation mode (gods, there were hundreds of people to witness his shame), but it is very probable that things got much, much worse when Ren apparently scooped him into his arms and rushed him to the doctors. It takes an estimated fifteen minutes from the bridge to the med bay, perhaps ten if you are walking fast, and Hux's cheeks burn in humiliation when he thinks of all those officers, troopers, and other members of the crew that saw him being carried by Ren as though he was some dainty maiden in need of a rescue. Phasma will never let him live this down.  
  
He does his best to appear calm, even though underneath his cool facade he is seething. How can Ren be such a fool? Hux has worked patiently for a long time to gain the respect of his subordinates, and now he might as well just publically announce that he and Ren have been fucking for months. After this incident they can probably guess it anyway. "Very well, doctor. Dismissed", he tells the medic, who looks like she could pass out in relief. She turns and hurries away, but then seems to gather up some courage and addresses Hux again.  
  
"Sir, it would be advised that you stay here for more inspection to make sure that we can heal you completely", she says, clutching her data pad like a shield as though she expects Hux to lose his temper any moment and start throwing things at her. "You require rest, and we must give you antibiotics and monitor your vitals."  
  
Hux frowns. For the love of gods, he isn't suffering from some deadly disease, is he? He is feeling quite awful, true, but he simply cannot afford to lay idle in the med bay during the busiest time of the day. There are reports to make, meetings to attend, preparations to oversee, and though his fear is probably in vain, he cannot help but feel that if he doesn't personally run the ship everything will fall into utter chaos. He looks at the medic with clear irritation in his eyes and she lets out a small squeak.  
  
"A medical droid can do all those things, isn't it so?" he asks. The medic nods hesitantly. "Good. Then you will assign me one of the droids and release me this instant. I will make sure that you get the results you need."  
  
For a moment the medic looks like she could protest, and Hux looks her in the eye as though daring her to say something. She closes her mouth with a deep sigh and nods in resignation.  
  
"Very well, Sir", she says. She approaches him again to pull the needle out of his arm and check the monitors one last time, telling Hux that his vitals are currently stable and that his blood work looks good. Hux rises to his feet, and to his immense dismay his vision blurs and his knees feel weak. The medic follows his wobbly movements with her eyes but is wise enough not to comment on it.  
  
"I must insist that you let the droid put you on the drip for another hour and that you get rest as soon as possible", the medic instructs him as he is about to leave. Hux pretends to listen even though he has no intentions of following her orders. "And though the fever won't probably return, you might still get some headaches and dizziness, perhaps also nausea. I'll give you a draught for them and it should be taken an hour before sleep for maximum effect. Should there be more signs of sickness, I advise you to come back here immediately. And if there is something in the test results, we will inform you and give you more treatment."  
  
"Yes, yes", Hux says impatiently, pulling his greatcoat over his shoulders and smoothing the wrinkles on his usually pristine uniform with a frown. He itches for a mirror and a comb because he is fairly sure that his hair isn't as immaculate as it was before he managed to faint, and he loathes to appear in front of his troops looking less than perfect. But at least they didn't strip him of his uniform and give him the standard patient robes. Hux doesn't think he would have been able to handle that.  
  
"Thank you for your assistance", Hux says politely once he has finished primping himself as discreetly as possible, feeling much better now that he is in his own element. The pain in his head has subsided enough to make him at least partly capable of working again, and though he was told to rest, that simply isn't an option. He needs to finish his duties.  
  
The medic nods in acknowledgement, looking a little bewildered as Hux turns on his heels and marches away with one of the droids trailing behind him. Hux cannot really blame her. This has been a very odd day.

* * *

"Did you see it?" someone whispers, his voice excited.  
  
"See what?"  
  
There is an exasperated sigh. "Kylo Ren carrying unconscious General Hux around the ship! TK-1507, are you honestly telling me that you have no idea what happened today?"  
  
"Um... yes. What happened?"  
  
"Damn, buddy, you missed out a lot. Well, anyway, according to NP-9316 who heard it from Officer Kata who heard it from Lieutenant Tirkl, the General was on the bridge supervising that operation on Stewjon when he suddenly just collapsed! NP-9316 told me that everyone just froze and stared at him as he lay on the floor, completely out cold, but then Kylo Ren picked him up and carried him to the med bay. Can you imagine?"  
  
TK-1507 lets out a low whistle. "And you saw them, DR-2014?"  
  
"Yeah, I did", DR-2014 responds, sounding very proud of himself.  
  
"Well?"  
  
"Well what?"  
  
"Give me some details!" TK-1507 demands loudly. There is a muffled thud accompanied by a stifled groan and a few curse words that would make a lady faint. TK-1507 has apparently hit his fellow stromtrooper with his blaster.  
  
"Alright, alright, I'll tell you!" DR-2014 says. "Okay, so you know that I'm usually stationed at the E-13 corridor during the day rounds, right? E-13 goes from the training rooms straight to the med bay, and I was just about to start another round when Kylo Ren marched into the med bay like it was a matter of life and death, holding General Hux in his arms."  
  
TK-1507 gasps. "Kylo Ren saw you like that and just let you go unharmed?"  
  
"Honestly, I don't think he even noticed me. He seemed really worried about the General, who did look kind of sick now that I think of it. He was all green in the face and everything, and he hadn't even woken up. Anyway, I just sort of pressed myself against the wall and Ren walked straight past me into the med bay."  
  
"And what happened then? Did you stay around to eavesdrop?"  
  
"Yes", DR-2014 says and doesn't sound even remotely ashamed. Instead, there is a hint of smugness in his voice when he continues his story. "I heard Kylo Ren demand the medics to tell him what was wrong with the General, and he sounded real angry when they told him that they needed to run some tests before they could be sure. Then Ren said that, and I quote, 'if he doesn't recover, you will all pay with your heads'."  
  
TK-1507 gasps again, clearly delighted. "Oh my. He really said that?"  
  
DR-2014 hums in confirmation. "Then he left and the medics were so scared that they were probably about to piss themselves, and I can't even blame them because, well, Ren is crazy. I wouldn't want to mess with him. I mean, have you seen that weird lightsaber of his? It looks like it could break and blow up any minute. And have you ever heard of what happened to LP-1862?"  
  
"No, who was that?"  
  
"He was one of the flametroopers in the 312th division and a buddy of mine. During one mission, a raid or something, he accidentally got caught in Kylo Ren's way, and Ren cut his head off!"  
  
There is a whoosh of a something slicing the air and a strange gurgling sound as DR-2014 imitates his comrade's unfortunate demise. TK-1507 lets out a terrified squeak.  
  
"Why doesn't anyone do something about him?" TK-1507 hisses furiously. "This has been going on for half a year!"  
  
DR-2014 snorts in derision. "It's because he's Snoke's favourite. He could crash the whole ship and still get to do whatever he wants."  
  
The troopers contemplate this for a moment, standing in silence.  
  
"Hey", DR-2014 whispers after a while.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do you think that General Hux and Kylo Ren might be... together?"  
  
"What do you mean?" TK-1507 asks, sounding confused.  
  
DR-2014 lowers his voice even more. "You know, together together."  
  
It takes TK-1507 a while to figure out the meaning of this. Then he splutters.  
  
"No way!" he says, flabbergasted.  
  
"But it would make perfect sense!" DR-2014 insists. "Ren has been much less destructive lately, and the General doesn't look so stuck up all the time. And why would Ren have worried so much about Hux if not because they are romantically involved?"  
  
"But the General hates Ren and Ren hates the General!" TK-1507 argues. "They are always fighting about the stupidest things."  
  
"Maybe that's because they are trying to cover up their relationship", DR-2014 says, sounding very excited as though he has worked out a great mystery. "They pretend to hate each other but instead they actually love each other! And they know that their relationship would never be approved of so they keep it hidden, and no one ever suspects a thing because we all think they loathe each other."  
  
TK-1507 is silent for a minute. "That's the biggest load of crap I have ever heard."  
  
"Well, think what you want, but I know that I am probably right", DR-2014 huffs haughtily. Then he adds, "and if I am right, you owe me a hundred credits."  
  
"Deal. But how are you going to pay me when I know that you ain't got a hundred -"  
  
"Shh, someone's coming!"  
  
There is a sound of approaching footsteps, and the stormtroopers quickly resume their positions and keep their blasters ready, standing still like statues so that they won't been seen slacking on duty. They have already been admonished once by Captain Phasma, and it was an experience neither trooper wants to repeat.  
  
General Hux comes around the corner, walking stiffly with his hands held behind his back, his expression as calm and collected as always. Both troopers turn deathly pale under their helmets. Remembering the protocol, they hastily salute the General and pray for their lives.  
  
"At ease", Hux says with a dismissive nod and walks briskly past the troopers, a medical droid following him hurriedly. They watch him go and listen to the sound of his footsteps and the droid's beeps echoing around the corridors until it becomes quiet again. Only then do they dare to breathe.  
  
"Do you think he heard us?" TK-1507 hisses.  
  
"I hope not", DR-2014 says worriedly. "I'm too young to die this soon."

* * *

Hux clenches his hands into fists, gritting his teeth in annoyance. He is not in a good mood, far from it, and those gossiping stormtroopers certainly didn't help. How dare they talk about him like that? Have they no respect for him, their general? Never mind that they are right, they shouldn't be speaking of things that are way above their pay grade and none of their business. Hux scowls in displeasure and considers having a strict talk with the captains about their troopers' inappropriate behaviour.  
  
He walks towards the bridge, his boots stomping on the corridor floors, and everyone who sees him looks at him with poorly disguised surprise and curiosity. Most of them salute him or nod respectfully without saying anything, but Hux can feel their burning eyes on his back. The Finalizer is a Resurgent-class Star Destroyer, vast in size and housing a crew of nineteen thousand officers, fifty-five thousand other personnel and over eight thousand stormtroopers, but it still seems that rumours of his rather unbecoming moment of weakness have reached almost everyone in the span of few hours. Hux keeps his head help up high and expression as neutral as he can, telling himself that there is no reason why he should care about what is said of him.  
  
"General!" Lieutenant Mitaka exclaims in obvious surprise when he sees Hux arrive. The rest of the present crew lift their gazes from their screens to look at Hux, all noises dying out immediately into a tense silence. Hux barely represses his sigh.  
  
"Sir, I didn't - we didn't expect you to come back so soon", the lieutenant blurts out. Hux gives him a scathing glare that promptly stops him from saying anything else.  
  
"Mission report, Lieutenant", Hux demands, holding out a hand for a data pad and not even looking at the man. The lieutenant hastily gives him his own.  
  
"The mission went on as intended, Sir", Mitaka starts explaining as Hux swipes his fingers across the screen to pull out the full report. "The village was destroyed in the attack because the villagers refused to give the Resistance members to us without a fight, and there were no survivors except one that was taken in for questioning. Three stormtroopers were unfortunately killed in action and five were slightly injured, but overall the mission can be considered a success."  
  
Having briefly viewed the report and deemed it satisfactory, Hux hands the data pad back to the lieutenant "Good. The prisoner?"  
  
"She was questioned about the Resistance, but it became soon clear that she was not an actual rebel fighter, just a sympathiser who had thought that she could provoke the rest of her people into opposing us. She had no truly valuable information to give so after the interrogation she was disposed of."  
  
"Who carried out the interrogation?" Hux asks.  
  
"Lord Ren did, Sir", Mitaka answers, and a slight wince, almost unnoticeable, appears on his face. "He was very... effective."  
  
And by 'effective', Hux knows that the lieutenant means that the prisoner was probably a broken mess by the time Ren was finished with her. Hux knows his fair share of interrogation techniques and even pure torture, but he can't deny that Ren's abilities are incredibly useful when it comes to making prisoners talk. Pain can be endured, but none can stop Ren from breaking into their minds and prying them apart from the inside, going through their thoughts and memories and dreams and taking whatever he wants to. Hux once watched Ren interrogate a smuggler with ties to the Resistance, a bull of a man who loudly proclaimed that they could rip all his limbs off and he still wouldn't give them anything. After a minute the same man was screaming his lungs out in agony, his horrible screams making the stormtroopers stationed at the door twitch in discomfort, and Ren wasn't even touching him. When he was finally done, the smuggler was nothing but an empty shell with a fried brain.  
  
"What else, Lieutenant?" Hux asks.  
  
"Everything has gone smoothly, Sir. The meeting you were supposed to have with the captains has been rescheduled for tomorrow, at 1300 hours. Also, the report from the Starkiller Base arrived, and you'll be pleased to know that the weapon is progressing ahead of schedule. It should be fully operational in two months."  
  
The weapon. Hux almost smiles, for the weapon and the whole Starkiller Base is his pride and joy, his life's work. It took him ages to convince the other generals and Supreme Leader that a weapon like that would be an immeasurable asset to the First Order. Remembering the failure of the Empire's Death Star, they were wary at first, but Hux weaved grand tales of destroying several planets with only one strike and forcing everyone who opposed them to their knees, and in the end Snoke gave him the permission to start building the weapon. It has been a long process, four years of careful planning and tweaking every single detail, but now all Hux's patience is beginning to pay off. Soon he will have the galaxy at his feet.  
  
"There was a slight malfunction in one of the turbo lasers, laser three", Mitaka continues his report, "but the repair technicians addressed it immediately and were able to return it to full functionality. A new shipment of TIE fighters was delivered and properly accounted, and Captain Phasma would like to inform that a new group of stormtroopers is meant to arrive tomorrow."  
  
"Who commanded the ship in my absence?" Hux asks. By the sound of Mitaka's report, the Finalizer has operated as well as always even without him, and Hux is impressed. The ship is full of capable officers who know how to keep everything going, of course, but this was the first time Hux was been completely out of commission during the busiest time of the day, and though it was only for a few hours, he had his doubts. He is pleased to know that everything is in order.  
  
"Lord Ren, General", Mitaka responds. Hux raises his eyebrows in surprise.  
  
"And nothing was destroyed and no one choked?" he cannot help but quip. One of the officers near them snorts loudly and tries to mask it as a cough.  
  
Mitaka shakes his head with a hint of a smile. "No, Sir. Lord Ren, if I may say so, proved to be a surprisingly capable commander. He oversaw the rest of the mission on Stewjon, and after interrogating the prisoner he personally rescheduled all your appointments. Then he reviewed the report on Starkiller Base and supervised the laser reparation."  
  
How strange, Hux thinks. Who knew Ren was capable of doing something other than killing people he doesn't like and damaging property?  
  
Ren is, in theory, Hux's equal in the chain of command, and therefore responsible for the Finalizer should something happen to the general, but he has made it clear that he finds it distasteful and would rather not take part in it if not absolutely necessary. And Hux has always thought that he would do a rather poor job of it because leading requires a clear mind and clinical thinking, and Ren has neither of those things. And it should be noted that half of the crew are scared witless every time Ren so much as glances at them, and while fear is good in small doses, too much of is a hindrance. Though capable of being intimidating, Hux has the respect of his subordinates, and it makes them much more loyal to him than Ren. Ren doesn't care about that, Hux knows, but personally he would rather not be stabbed to death in his sleep.  
  
"Where is Ren now?" Hux asks, careful to sound as disinterested as possible, even though he wishes he could just go to him and say a few chosen words, all propriety be damned.  
  
"He was called to a meeting with Supreme Leader Snoke, Sir."  
  
"Very well, Lieutenant. Dismissed."  
  
Mitaka clicks his heels together and leaves with a salute. Hux starts walking around the bridge as he is wont to do, making sure that that the crew members are doing their jobs and occasionally asking for some readings. The officers work in tandem like a well-oiled machine, each of them knowing exactly what to do and when to do it, and Hux allows himself to relax slightly as he stands over them and looks out of the windows. They are currently stationed at the edge of the Mid Rim, and Hux thinks it's almost peaceful to just stare into the infinite vastness of space. There are no planets in sight, just countless stars shining in the cold darkness, and it is actually quite beautiful.  
  
Something bumps into his legs suddenly. Hux glances down and sees the medical droid looking at him with its mechanical eyes, letting out a series of whirs. It is a rather primitive droid, short and sturdy with retractable legs and wheels, equipped with a large screen and several arms with different purposes, and it looks more like an astromech droid than a medical one. Hux knows that the First Order has much more advanced droids in the Finalizer's med bay, and he feels somewhat insulted by having been given this old of piece of junk instead of a newer one. The medic probably thought she was being very clever.  
  
"Yes?" he asks coldly.  
  
The droid beeps, and one of its numerous hatches opens to reveal a needle, tube and a bag full of clear liquid. It takes them out with its arm, connects them all together, and then nudges Hux again. The screen comes alive with a hum, and text starts appearing on it.  
  
_Intravenous infusion. Antibiotics. One liter, sixty minutes._  
  
"Alright", Hux, who had forgotten all about the medic's orders, snaps. Then he feels absolutely foolish for being mad at a droid.  
  
The droid edges closer and points the needle at Hux as a clear sign, and then it reaches for his hand. Hux swats its arm away with a scowl.  
  
"I'll do it myself", he says, taking the needle from the droid before it can react. The droid beeps at him disapprovingly, but Hux pays no mind to it.  
  
Hux, like all the students at the Academy, has received a basic medical training that, among other very useful things, included learning how to do insert an IV line. He prods at the back of his hand for a moment, searching for a suitable vein, and once he finds one he wastes no time sticking the needle into his hand, not even registering the small sting of pain. The droid gives him a roll of tape, and Hux tears two small pieces of it and uses them to hold the needle in place. The procedure takes no longer than a few seconds, and once it is done, the droid beeps again and holds the liquid bag as high as it can to allow the antibiotics to flow into Hux's blood.  
  
When Hux starts moving, the droid follows, trailing behind him like a dog on a leash. Every now and then Hux is forced to slow down because the droid can't keep up with him or it somehow manages to get tangled in the long tube that connects them. The officers try not to stare too much, but Hux doesn't miss how they steal quick glances at him, looking amused. When the droid beeps loudly in distress because Hux is trying to tug it along too fast, one of the officers accidentally laughs aloud. The stern hushes he gets from the officers near him are enough to stop Hux from snapping at him. One of them elbows the laughing officer in the gut for good measure.  
  
The Finalizer operates on an artificial twenty-four-hour cycle, and once the night shift starts to pour in and the day workers are released from their duties, Hux decides that he has done enough for the day. Nothing out of ordinary has happened in the few hours he has been on the bridge, and he can't deny that the thought of retreating into his rooms and sleeping is very tempting. Though he feels much better than earlier in the day, the lingering effects of his illness still remain, and Hux is, just like the medic warned, starting to experience a slight headache.  
  
And he still has not seen Ren. That coward must be avoiding him.  
  
After making sure that everything continues to be as it should, Hux leaves the bridge in the command of Colonel Gharo and tells her that he is to be informed immediately should any problems arise. Then he heads to his quarters that are situated in the northern part of the ship, and because it is time for all shifts to change, the corridors are bustling with people either going to their rooms or posts. It takes a while for all the commotion to die out, but once it does, everything becomes quiet, the silence only broken by the occasional sounds of the patrolling stormtroopers stomping in the corridors. Nights are much more peaceful than the hectic days, and though the ship never sleeps, it is still lulled into a strange sort of tranquility. In a way, Hux likes it.  
  
Once Hux presses the code into the key pad, the doors open with a whoosh. The code that he changes on a regular basis should ensure that no one can get to his rooms, and it does keep almost everyone out, but somehow Ren is constantly able to fool the doors into opening for him. Sometimes he deigns to use the code that he always digs up from Hux's mind, but most of the time he just uses the Force and barges into the room without even bothering to knock. Hux finds his endless invasions of privacy absolutely infuriating, and he suspects that his annoyance is part of the reason why Ren keeps doing it.  
  
Hux enters his quarters, drapes his greatcoat over his chair and sits down, waiting. He could use his communicator to summon Ren to him, but he knows that there is no need for it. Hux is sure that sooner or later Ren will come to him on his own accord. And he is a patient man. He can wait.

* * *

He doesn't have to wait long. Only half an hour has passed before Hux hears the familiar sound of the doors opening, and he lifts his eyes from report on Starkiller Base he was reading to see Ren walk in like he owns the place. He has become quite a common sight in the General's rooms in the past few months, because they prefer to have their trysts in the secrecy of Hux's rooms which are much more comfortable and better furnished than Ren's. Hux has always liked it better that way because then he is not the one who has to leave in the morning.  
  
Ren is wearing his mask like he was when Hux last saw him, moments before he fainted. Personally Hux thinks the mask is a ridiculous bucket that makes Ren look like he is playing dress-up with some dead Sith's clothes, but well, it is not his opinion that matters. He has met a couple of the other Knights of Ren, and though none of them really share Ren's flair for melodramatics or are as immature, it seems that wearing black robes and some sort of a mask is required. Hux doesn't particularly care for the Knights because they are a separate factor and answer only to Snoke, so their goings and doings aren't really his business. Except when it comes to Ren, because as long as Ren continues to stay on his ship, everything he does is Hux's business.  
  
"Lord Ren", Hux says formally after a moment when it becomes evident that Ren is not going to talk first. "What brings you to my quarters?"  
  
Ren draws himself to his full height. "You know why I've come."  
  
"Actually, I don't", Hux responds, tapping his fingers on the table. "Would you care to enlighten me?"  
  
Hux doesn't need to see Ren's face to know that he is most likely scowling. "I merely wished to see whether you were feeling better, General. Supreme Leader would be most disappointed if you were unable to do your duties, and I have no desire to babysit your ship and crew any more than I have to", Ren says snidely, and yes, he is definitely scowling. Hux can hear it in his voice.  
  
Knowing that Ren is just deflecting, Hux refuses to rise to the bait. Instead, he stands up and pours himself a glass of the healing draught he received from the med bay a few moments before Ren's arrival. A rather odd shade of pale green in colour, the draught doesn't look particularly enjoyable, but Hux steels himself and takes a long swig. And grimaces.  
  
"So, Ren, how was your day?" Hux asks once he is back in his chair, looking at Ren who hasn't moved an inch.  
  
"Why do you ask?" Ren responds slowly, obviously confused and a little wary.  
  
Hux shrugs innocently. "Can't I exchange pleasantries with my co-commander? And speaking of that, I heard that you commanded the bridge today. Must have been quite an experience for someone who hasn't done it before."  
  
Now Ren is definitely more than a little wary. "It was nothing I couldn't handle."  
  
"That's good to hear", Hux says with a cold smile. "But how did it happen, I wonder? I was in the belief that General Hux was the commander. Whatever happened to him that made you take his place?"  
  
Ren crosses his arms over his broad chest, his mask crackling ominously. "What are you playing at, Hux?" he asks in irritation, his voice low. The lightsaber rests on his hip like it always does, but Hux knows that Ren won't draw it, not at him. They may have fought physically a couple of times after a vicious argument and exchanged some nasty blows, but it has never gone too far. Even though it is probably too naïve of him, Hux believes that he is safe with Ren. Hopes so.  
  
"Why did you do it?" he asks.  
  
"Do _what_?"  
  
"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about", Hux snaps, losing some of his composure. Ren always has that horrible effect on him. "Why did you carry me to the med bay?"  
  
Ren cock his head, his clothes rustling as he shuffles his feet. Still standing in Hux's doorway, he looks almost comically out of place with that ridiculous mask and robes. It makes Hux think of all those countless times he has ripped them off Ren's body and thrown them to his floor in a fit of passion. "Isn't it obvious? You were ill and in need of treatment."  
  
"You could have summoned the medics to fetch me on stretcher or let someone else carry me", Hux argues, pinning Ren down with his gaze and swirling the glass in his hand. The draught tastes disgusting, but he forces himself to drink it anyway. "There was no need for you to do it yourself, was there?"  
  
"Those incompetent fools didn't even move a muscle to help you", Ren retorts disdainfully, the mask distorting his voice and keeping his face hidden. It is always hard to read Ren when he is playing the part he is supposed to play, Master of the Knights of Ren and Snoke's most promising apprentice, but Hux has seen his true face often enough to know that the mask is more than just an attempt to imitate Darth Vader. Without it Ren is like an open book, unable to hide his emotions and letting everyone see inside him. Hux likes him better that way.  
  
"Take that mask off", he commands suddenly.  
  
_I want to see your face_ , he thinks but doesn't add, knowing that it would be too much. As long as he doesn't say it out loud, he can pretend that it means nothing.  
  
Ren hesitates for a moment, still standing in the doorway, but in the end he reaches up to unclasp his mask and removes it from his head. Though Hux has seen him barefaced so many times before, he is once again struck by how little Ren actually resembles the sort of man he tries so hard to be. There is nothing dark about his face, nothing evil in his brown eyes, and it both fascinates and unsettles Hux to know that somewhere underneath all that there is a person that isn't Ren. He is conflicted, that much is clear, and sometimes Hux worries that nothing will be enough for Ren. That he will end up destroying the whole galaxy because he just cannot stop.  
  
"Well?" Hux prompts impatiently. He will not give up until he has his answer. "Why did you do it?"  
  
"I was worried about you", Ren admits finally, and then his eyes widen as though he never intended to say it aloud. Something in Hux breaks.  
  
Ren looks like he deeply regrets his words. He is frowning and worrying his lower lip between his teeth, his thick hair curling messily around his big ears. Ren can never be considered traditionally attractive with his wide nose and strange bone structure, but to Hux he has always been beautiful in his own unique way. He likes the moles scattered on Ren's skin like a star chart, the way his hair turns into an untamable mess when it gets wet, his smile that lights up a fire inside Hux every time he sees it.  
  
Stunned by Ren's revelation, Hux sits back in his chair and tries to pull his thoughts back into order, but it is difficult. Ren was _worried_ about him. This is all uncharted territory, this is something they have never done, and Hux doesn't know what to think of it. They have never even considered talking about feelings because they have both been fully convinced that there simply aren't any feelings to talk about, but Hux has an awful hunch that it is no longer the case.  
  
When did everything change?  
  
"That was very... considerate of you", he says, cursing his wavering voice. Ren is staring at him in that awfully intense way of his, and Hux lowers his eyes so that they don't betray his emotions. Neither of them says anything else. Hux wants to ask why, but he is not sure he is ready to hear the answer.  
  
"How are you feeling now?" Ren asks after a while, breaking the silence that has fallen over them. Hux doesn't understand why everything is suddenly so awkward between him and Ren, because it has never been like this. Under the crew's watchful eyes they act completely professional - or at least Hux does - and it private they fuck, sleep, and then one of them gets out. Uncomplicated and impersonal, that is the way it should be and it is all that Hux wants from their relationship. Or so he tries to tell himself.  
  
"Well enough, I suppose", Hux responds. "The doctors were successful in their job. I should be completely healed by tomorrow."  
  
"That is good", Ren says neutrally. Then a slight smile graces his face, the corners of his mouth turning up. "The crew will undoubtedly rejoice in your return, General. I'm afraid I'm not as likeable a leader as you are."  
  
Hux cannot stop the undignified snort that escapes his mouth. "I'm surprised you didn't throw the whole ship into disorder", he says, and the teasing tone in his voice doesn't go unnoticed by him.  
  
Ren is capable of leading his Knights because they are disturbingly devoted to him and do everything he asks of them without questioning him, but organising several troops and soldiers and officers into an efficient and unified group is not something he is familiar with. Ren is a solitary creature, often locking himself up in his own quarters or some training room when he is not on a mission, and the crew doesn't really like him, which is perfectly understandable because there is a probable chance they might get choked or flung into some wall if they happen to annoy Ren. Time after time Hux has explicitly told him that it is very bad for morale, but Ren rarely deigns to listen to him. Hux suspects that he might actually enjoy scaring the workers.  
  
"Are you implying that I'm a bad commander?" Ren huffs, but Hux knows that he is not really offended. If he were, it would show.  
  
"No, I'm implying that you are a horrible commander", Hux retorts. "You terrorise my ship on a daily basis."  
  
Ren raises his brows. "Whatever you mean, General?  
  
"So that console in four deserved to be hacked into pieces? And what about that one stormtrooper you threw into a wall yesterday?"  
  
"She was hardly injured, was she?" Ren says with a dismissive wave of his hand.  
  
Hux smirks at him. "Careful, Ren. Phasma can be terribly protective of her fledglings. You don't want to get on her bad side."  
  
"I think I can handle Phasma", Ren says, looking somewhat amused, which is a quite a feat. For the first few months Hux thought that the man had no sense of humour at all because all he did was sulk, but he has since learned that Ren does posses the ability to laugh once in a while. And he has a surprisingly quick wit, which Hux likes because he enjoys verbal banter. They often end up mocking each other and then fighting, true, but the sex is especially great in those occasions. There's nothing that gets Ren going like being a bit riled up, and Hux has become very gifted in knowing which buttons to push.  
  
"You say that now, but just wait until you push her too far. She has a mean left hook", Hux teases.  
  
Ren actually lets out a laugh, and it lights up his whole face. Hux knows that he isn't some boy anymore, he is a grown man, but his youthful face can be deceiving. The first time Hux saw him bare his face, he was so surprised at what he saw that he lost the ability to speak for a moment. According to the wild rumours flying around the Finalizer, Ren was horribly disfigured and covered in ugly scars, hence the mask, but that couldn't have been farther from the truth. Hux expected to see a monster, but instead Ren was all pale skin, dark hair and expressive brown eyes. Hux's first thought was that he was oddly beautiful.  
  
They watch each other for a while, but then Ren suddenly steps closer until he is standing in front of Hux and hovering over him. "I'm sorry that I couldn't heal you properly. If I had been able to do it, this wouldn't have happened."  
  
His voice is soft, quiet, and he sounds sincere in his apology. He never apologises.  
  
"Don't be", Hux says quietly, lifting his gaze to look straight into Ren's eyes. "You helped."  
  
Something in Ren's expression changes, but for once Hux finds it hard to read him, and it bothers him more than it probably should. He wants to pick Ren apart, turn his skin inside out and see what he is made of, because the longer their little arrangement goes on, the more Hux wants to know about him. He cannot help it; he has always been too curious for his own good. No one else has ever captured his attention like Ren has, and though it is probably not a good thing, Hux won't give up until he has what he wants.  
  
"I..." Ren starts to say but then stops, running out of words. To Hux's immense surprise a blush rises to his cheeks, and oh, it is a sight to behold. Hux is struck by a sudden urge to kiss him breathless.  
  
He doesn't. Instead, he finishes his draught and rises from his chair, stretching his stiff muscles. The Finalizer's floors are far from soft, especially on the bridge, and Hux's body aches unpleasantly from his fall.  
  
"Is there something else you need, Ren?" Hux asks, trying to sound completely professional and impersonal to cover up the fact that Ren's presence in his rooms makes it hard for him to think clearly. Ren is a distraction, and Hux has never done well with those. He curses himself for being such a fool.  
  
Ren just blinks at him like an owl, looking like he doesn't quite know what to do with himself. Hux has grown used to seeing him as an arrogant and hot-tempered lunatic with more mental issues than is healthy, so this calm and unsure creature in front of him is not someone he is familiar with. Moments like this make Hux wonder what kind of person Ren used to be before he turned.  
  
"It is getting late. You should rest, General", Ren says, not answering the question.  
  
_Let me take care of you._  
  
Hux doesn't know whether he actually hears that or just imagines it, but the words make his heart flutter all the same. He does his best to ignore it but fails spectacularly.  
  
He rises from his seat and turns with the intentions of going to his closet and pulling out his nightclothes so that he can finally go to sleep, but before he can even step forward the doors open on their own accord and his clothes fly to him as though pulled by an invisible force. Hux lets them settle into his arms before turning back to look at Ren, who has a slightly bashful expression on his face.  
  
"Thank you", Hux says. He and Ren look at each other, and though neither of them say anything else, their eyes speak a thousand words.  
  
Hux starts taking his clothes off, not caring that Ren is right there following his every movement with his gaze because it is nothing that he hasn't seen before, and besides, Hux is proud of his body. He might not be as broad and muscular as Ren, but there is lot of strength in his lean frame, and he can more than hold his own in a fight should it come to that.  
  
Though he rarely participates in the ground missions because of his position, Hux has been adequately taught in hand-to-hand combat like any soldier and he is proficient in using several weapons. Hux Senior was adamant that his only son, his heir, would become an outstanding soldier and a general someday, and so he used to personally oversee Hux's training to make sure that he was progressing as he should. If Hux had any troubles learning something, his father kept him doing it over and over again and let Hux stop only when his efforts were deemed sufficient. If he complained, he was beaten for it.  
  
Once his uniform has been taken off, Hux folds the clothes meticulously and puts them aside in a neat pile before starting to dress himself in the nightclothes. He feels Ren's stare on his almost naked body, his eyes drinking in every inch of exposed skin, his bruises and freckles and bite marks, and he barely contains his shudder. Hux knows that he is a very desirable man, but none of his previous bed partners have ever looked at him like Ren does. There is hunger in his eyes, clear and almost animalistic like he wants nothing more than to take everything Hux has to offer and more, to make him his. It is incredibly thrilling to know that there is someone who desires him so much, and with Ren he feels much more alive than he has ever felt before.  
  
Hux clothes himself again, pulling the shirt over his head and stepping into the trousers. Like his whole wardrobe, his nightclothes are made from the finest of fabrics, impossibly soft against his bare skin. Despite his family's high position in society and their impressive fortune, Hux has always lived an ascetic life, for his father didn't believe in indulging in luxuries. Hux Senior thought that even generals should live like common soldiers to keep their minds clear and fully focused on their tasks, and though Hux shares his views, he refuses to settle for the second best when it comes to clothes. He takes great care of his appearance because a man of his stature should never be anything less than perfectly groomed, and his carefully tailored uniforms and coats are effective tools in commanding respect from his inferiors.  
  
Once he is completely clothed, Hux moves his attention to Ren again. Ren hasn't stopped watching him, and it gives Hux a certain sort of satisfaction to know that he has that strong an effect on Ren. It is only fair, after all, because somehow the man has the ability of turning Hux into a blabbering mess in the most unfortunate occasions. It is very inconvenient, but the more often it happens, the less Hux minds it.  
  
Hux walks to his bed and sits down on the edge, pressing a few buttons on his data pad. The medical droid comes alive with a beep, walking over to Hux and reaching out with its mechanical arms. It offers Hux a small needle and a tube, and he pushes the needle into his arm and fills the tube with his blood just as instructed. Once it is full, he pulls the needle out, presses the tiny wound with his finger to stop the bleeding and gives the tube to the droid. The droid whirs excitedly as it processes the blood, beeping occasionally, and then the readings appear on both its screen and the screen of Hux's data pad. Hux doesn't understand much of them, but the droid salutes him clumsily and waddles away, so he figures out that there is nothing to worry about, which is good. He doesn't want to be absent from his duties any more than he has already been.  
  
"Have you taken your medicine?" Ren asks him as Hux prepares himself for bed. "Do you need anything?" He walks closer to stand next to Hux's bed, hovering over him and reaching out to take the data pad out of Hux's hands.  
  
"Are you always such a fussy mother hen when someone is sick?" Hux snaps at him suddenly, annoyed at being treated like some fragile flower.  
  
Ren's hand stills in the air and he looks like someone has struck him. Hux feels immediately bad. "I once took care of my mother when she had a fever", Ren says quietly, and Hux almost falls off his bed in his surprise. He has never heard Ren even mention his family. "I was seven, and it scared me to see her lying in bed for days, sick and weak, and I thought she was going to die. She told me not to worry about her, but I did, and though I didn't really know what to do, I wanted to help her so I gave her cold towels to force the fever down and brought her all of her favourite foods, anything to make her feel better. When she was healthy again, she thanked me for taking care of her and said that she was proud of me."  
  
Speechless, Hux gapes at Ren, who has apparently come back to his senses and now looks absolutely furious with himself, gritting his teeth and no doubt itching to destroy something. He refuses to meet Hux's eyes and stares pointedly at his boots, his hair falling over his face like black smoke, and Hux suspects, no, knows, that once again he has said something that he had never intended to say aloud. Something that he regrets.  
  
No matter how hard Ren tries to belong to Snoke and the Dark Side, sometimes he can't stop his carefully constructed shields from falling down and revealing the person he wants so hard to get rid of, the person he used to be. Hux knows that he should just forget everything about it, because they are crossing a line that should never be crossed, should just shut Ren out and pretend that nothing happened, but he can't, not anymore. They are both past that point.  
  
There are so many questions Hux wants to ask, he wants to ask what Ren's mother was like, what happened to their family, _what did you do how did you turn why are you so broken_?, but he can't bring himself to do it, not when Ren is looking like that. Hux thinks of his own mother, dead and cold in his small arms, and feels sick.  
  
Neither of them moves a muscle, staying completely still, and the deeply uncomfortable silence stretches on for minutes before Hux decides to break it. For both of their sakes. "I'm a grown man, Ren, I can take care of myself. I don't need you to coddle me", he says, but not unkindly.  
  
_There's no need to worry about me_ , he wants to say. _I'm fine. Please don't worry anymore._  
  
Ren raises his eyes from the floor, and to Hux's relief he no longer looks like he is about to fall apart any moment. Hux didn't realise it at first because he, like everyone else, only saw Snoke's masked monster full of burning rage and stained in blood when they looked at Kylo Ren, but now he knows that underneath all that wreckage there is still a person. Not a good one, perhaps, but a person nonetheless, someone who laughs and loves and cries and breaks. Ren doesn't want that, doesn't want to feel anything, but he cannot cut out that part of himself and Hux is observant enough to see that it is tearing Ren apart. He wishes there was something he could do to help.  
  
"You do", Ren says in a tone that brooks no argument, his dark eyes glinting with something that looks suspiciously like fondness.  
  
Hux feels Ren rooting in his head, slipping past his defences like they are nothing but air, but unlike the other times this has happened, Hux doesn't feel like Ren is intruding. His presence isn't an uncomfortable pressure in his head like it usually is, it is more like a gentle caress, and any other time Hux would probably get angry and demand Ren to leave his mind alone, but now he lets him in with no resistance. It feels surprisingly good, almost comforting, and Hux lays down on his bed with a deep sigh. Ren chuckles quietly, and Hux finds that he likes the sound.  
  
"Rest now", Ren tells him. He has been strangely nice the whole evening, almost like a completely different person, and Hux is feeling very out of his depth. It was never supposed to be like this. "Let the draught heal you, and tomorrow you'll be as good as new. And don't worry, the others can manage the ship well enough without you breathing down their necks."  
  
Hux's eyes feel heavy as he struggles to keep them open, but he needs to look at Ren one last time before he lets sleep consume him. Ren is standing next to his bed, surrounded by the shadows and looking even taller than usual, and Hux is caught off guard by the look on Ren's face. Whenever he is without that ridiculous mask, it is unusual to see him without a scowl or an arrogant smirk stuck on his face, but this time there is a gentle smile on his lips, an actual smile, and Hux is suddenly overcome with a strange emotion he cannot identify that makes his heart twist and turn. Ren has never looked more beautiful to him than now.  
  
Ren is there with him, there _for_ him, and once the realisation dawns on Hux, he finally makes his decision.  
  
"Come here", he whispers, barely audible.  
  
Ren furrows his brows, but still complies and sits down on the edge of the bed. Despite feeling like his muscles are made of jelly, Hux props himself on his elbows so that he is on level with Ren. For a while they sit in silence, both wanting to touch each other but not daring, but then Hux looks into Ren's eyes, huge and brown and almost shy, grabs him by his shoulders, and drags him forward into a kiss.  
  
It is unlike the countless other kisses they have shared. When they kiss it is always like there is a battle between them, a battle of two lost souls who have never dared to admit what it is that they truly want. They always kiss hurriedly and desperately as though fearing that the moment could come to its end any moment, taking as much of each other as they can, greedy and drunk with desire, and Hux has always thought that it was the lust and hate they felt for each other that had them acting like that. Together they were like wildfire, uncontrolled and explosive, and the first time Ren pinned Hux to a wall and kissed him breathless with unrestrained passion, Hux wondered how they had ever managed to go so long without giving into their desires. The moment they had their first kiss Hux lost his way and never found it again.  
  
In Hux's eyes what they have has never been tender or particularly loving, just casual fucking to relieve them of their tensions, a mutually beneficial agreement between two people who hate and desire each other in equal measure, but now Hux realises with sudden clarity that it hasn't been like that for some time. He doesn't know when it happened, when feelings got involved and their relationship became something more, but now everything has changed and Hux knows that there is no going back. They have moved past the point of no return.  
  
He has fallen in love with Ren, madly and irrevocably. And the worst thing about it? It doesn't even bother Hux, not one bit.  
  
Obviously surprised, Ren responds to the kiss frustratingly slowly and uncertainly, and Hux, needing to have him close, pulls him forward until their bodies are flush against each other. Ren is shaken out of his momentary confusion, and with a lovely moan he captures Hux's lips and kisses him like he has never kissed before, with so much emotion that it threatens to swallow him whole. It makes Hux feel incredibly powerful.  
  
_Yes_ , he thinks, _I will tear the whole galaxy itself apart for him, I will give him anything -_  
  
He loses the track of his thoughts when Ren deepens the kiss, his lips moving so deliciously that Hux might just see stars. Hux can't think, can't do anything but hold onto Ren with everything he has and take all that Ren has to offer, can only claim his lips and body and soul. It's all moving too fast and neither of them are thinking about the consequences, but Hux just can't bring himself to care. He wants Ren so badly that his whole heart aches.  
  
He raises his hand from Ren's shoulders to take a hold of the man's hair, his fingers tangling in dark curls and pulling at them. He has always liked playing with Ren's hair. Ren's arms have wrapped themselves around Hux's waist, his gloves discarded and his grip tight. Hux feels his fingers play with the hem of his nightshirt before slipping underneath it, and he gasps into Ren's mouth when cool fingertips work their way up from his hips, tracing his stomach and chest and igniting sparks wherever they go. Then Ren's mouth moves to suck his neck where the skin is most sensitive - he found that particular spot the first time they fucked - and Hux lets out a string of garbled noises that make Ren smirk widely against his lips. Hux would smack him if he had the strength for it.  
  
The healing draught he took is slowly muddling his senses, and though Hux would very much like to go on and take things even further, his body disagrees with him. Both mentally and physically exhausted, he slows down the kiss until they are just kissing lightly and disgustingly sweetly, Hux leaning into Ren and letting him hold him. Ren's hands around his waist are holding him secure, and as Hux rests his head against Ren's chest, above his heart, he cannot help but feel that this moment is everything he has ever wanted. He just didn't know it before.  
  
"Stay", Hux says quietly, struck by an irrational fear that if he is too loud it all will break and Ren will leave and never come back -  
  
Ren holds him tighter. "Shh", he whispers into Hux's hair, no doubt feeling his sudden anxiety. "I will stay", he says as though it is the simplest thing in the galaxy, and maybe it is. Maybe this all was meant to happen.  
  
"Kylo", Hux breathes out, tasting the word in his mouth. It is not the first time he has used the Knight's name, but this time everything is different, and it feels wrong to call him Ren anymore. Ren is for others, for those nameless and faceless people who will never know him, never understand him, but Kylo is for him and him only. There is power in names, and Hux wants all that power. Wants Kylo.  
  
Kylo looks at him with those dark eyes, bright and wild. "Yes", he says, and though he says nothing else, Hux understand what he means. A smile spreads on his face.  
  
Still not letting go of him, Kylo lays Hux down on the bed and makes sure that he is properly under the covers and not too cold. His movements are careful and gentle, so unlike him, and Hux can scarcely believe that this is the same Kylo Ren that chokes his troopers to death and causes daily damage to his precious ship when he's having a childish tantrum.  
  
Kylo seems to be having an inner conflict of sorts, Hux notices, as the Knight looks at him and bites his lips, a motion that makes him seem much younger, and then he removes his heavy cowl, outer robe and boots until he's standing there in simple black pants and a long-sleeved shirt. Hux smiles at him encouragingly (gods, when did he get so sappy?), and Kylo apparently decides it is enough for him and climbs into the bed. Hux scoots over to make room for him, but it proves unnecessary when Kylo simply reaches out and pulls Hux closer so that they are lying partially on top of each other. The position is familiar because usually after rigorous fucking they were both too tired to do anything so they just ended up sleeping in the same bed until morning, and sometimes they found each other in sleep and got tangled in a beautiful mess of limbs and hair and hands holding each other close. But the illusion always broke in the morning when one of them would rise, dress in silence and leave as if nothing had happened.  
  
This time, though, there is nothing to stop them from holding each other, and though it scares Hux, this terrifying emotion he is unable to control, he cannot help but embrace it all the same. He has never felt anything like this, and it makes him dizzy with excitement and victory. Kylo is his.  
  
Kylo is warm and surprisingly soft against him, and Hux sighs contently and nuzzles Kylo's neck, letting his teeth scrape skin. Kylo laughs quietly and wraps his arm around Hux, letting it rest almost possessively on his hip. Hux twines his fingers with Kylo's and cannot think of a time when he has felt happier.  
  
It is a weakness, he knows, all of this is, just like his father has always told him, and Hux also knows that there will be a day when it all falls apart and burns to ashes, but this time he doesn't care. He has what he wants now.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm also on [tumblr](http://www.songofwinterfell.tumblr.com).


End file.
